I lived in Philly when I was a kid and there was a huge liquor store right over the bridge. I wish I could remember what it was called, but the front almost looked like a spaceship. My dad and I used to take the drive together and load up his ‘67 corvette. Fly back over with the top down, 80 miles an hour, no seatbelt…

The Heights in Houston, TX is still dry. Only private drinking clubs can sell booze. And I break the law every time I buy wine while working in New Jersey and drive over the Betsy Ross to Philadelphia.

In related news, Neversink proudly names its first (official) Town Drunk.
Applications for the position of Village Idiot can be submitted for review.

One of my best antique-store finds was some very old, very explicit polaroids.

I know way too many people that hated on them this entire time and it just sets me off. Damn it, he’s so smart. I’m going to miss his speeches just as much as I’m concerned about what baseless, mindless, hopeless trash I might have to listen to next. And President Obama is *cool*, way cooler than I’ll ever be. No…

Maybe it’s the 9 Guinness droughts I just had, but reading this made me a little misty eyed

The entire Obama family has been nothing short of classy the entire time he’s been in office. His daughters seem like very intelligent well-adjusted young women that will go on to do great things. Michelle has been a lovely role model and took her role as First Lady beyond what it seemed a lot of people assumed she…

He ain’t perfect, he could have chosen to define the narrative with a harsher edge, but, the man never panicked, never lost his cool, never lowered himself to level of the filth that had such a hard on to take him.down. We are going to miss this man and his no drama Obama when the next impulsive maniac occupies the…

Eh. They were driving around my neighborhood on meth, with a loaded gun in the car, following a UPS driver, stealing packages off people’s doorsteps. So, I feel some pity, but also some fear of them. I think it’s more a portrait of drug use than general poverty (which I know, at times have correlation).

This is the saddest, darkest comedy I've seen in a while. I mean that sincerely. This is so fucking absurd, but melancholy.

Yeah, every story I've ever read about this has referred to the leaked police report.

Just avoid the base tans. The base tans sound terrifying.

I like being outside though! Which is why I reapply sunscreen every half hour and spend about $200 on the stuff every year. I’m not obsessive about skincare, but I’m obsessive about that. I’m terrified of skin cancer, already have a couple frightening moles that are irregular around the margins that are about to be…

Look, I have melanin so I can’t relate. But I can recall watching all my white friends get a “base tan” which seemed to just be burning their skin off and I would think: “Hey guys, just be your pale selves! Or use that tanning lotion stuff! It’s cool! This sun thing isn’t for you and that’s fine.”

YOU CAN’T MAKE ME! YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM!

Yeah but if you burn all your skin off you might actually die.

OH MY GOD WHITE PEOPLE JUST BE PALE. THAT IS HORRIFYING. SIT IN THE SHADE PLEASE.

My uncle always tells me that it’s not a base unless you have some bubbles. Sorry dude, I have welts that are literally the size of softballs, and I go back to white. I’ve killed aloe plants trying to ease my suffering over my burns.

Goddamnit I love the Girl Scouts. That is a stellar idea.