I just lost my mind and read like 20 blind items in a row. Here’s what the consensus seems to be plus my analysis:

I have nothing to add, because this is perfect. Bravo! And mazel, Taylor and Karlie!

“He gave her dick in the bed until she was sick in the head”, says source who has viewed the steamy tape.

Prince Harry marrying Kerry Washington despite Barack Obama being concerned about their dangerous boat wedding.

Dina and Michael Lohan take vow of silence!

Angelina and Jen: We’re in love. And having a baby.

Also, I feel like Team Celebrity failing to place in this competition is like a Soviet gymnast not getting on the podium in the early 80's. Bobby, your family is about to be sent to Siberia. =(

It’s a technicality. Kyle doesn’t do enough blogs to meet the threshold requirement for being called a writer.

Oh, yeah...that’s the stuff. Thank you for the greatest post on Jezebel ever, Ellie. btw, why haven’t they made Turkish oil wrestling an olympic event? Seems like some kind of anti-Turk bigotry to me.

While we’re here, looking at action stills and beautiful thighs, haaaave we talked about Olympic Divers Photoshopped onto Toilets yet? It’s terrible. Awful. Humans are the worst. (But also I love it so much)

I miss Thighlights.

me if i ever see these thighs in real life