Update, 6:24 p.m. EST

Sometimes I wish we weren't dependant on an old ass document created by people who owned human beings as property for our ethical decisions.

She's doing much better than that punk brother of hers

Here, here. Every time I go to a wedding and the "good" beer is Heineken I find myself secretly hoping the couple soon will get divorced.

Will you should write a guide about how to buy beer for parties. Beer enthusiasts buying for a non-enthusiast crowd and vice versa.

<—Loves dicks and pics of dicks

I could start faxing you pages from a 1996 JC Penney's catalog.

Oh. Now I get it.

You people don't shave your legs? Do you really think it's possible to get the perfect tan when the sun's rays are being blocked by all that hair? Besides, shaved legs make one feel especially pretty.

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The entitlement in telling another woman what to do with her eyebrows. I just — not to be obnoxious about it, but this is how women enact and enforce the patriarchy on one another.

What I heard: The most important thing to learn in college is conformity. It is not the time to experiment with ideas and finding your style! If you want to advance to the basic bitch big leagues when you graduate now is them time to stop thinking and start bronzing.

I fucking love his red glasses that snap together in the middle.