I thought of this when I heard President Obama call him James 'Flacco'.

♫ And those three men came from afar,

CAREFUL BRO

agree on a list, also add "take me to church", have no idea who sings it and bunch of other terrible pop songs.

Wait. Did Mariah Carey not release anything in 2014?

Seriously, I can't breathe. +1

the slowest of claps.

In fairness, it's an odd-numbered year so the Giants might suck.

padres fan living in chicago, this makes me question why I don't live in San Diego

"I beg to differ."

(Obligatory comment from a Padres die-hard that actually exists)

Christ, just because they traded for two black players does not mean they're now dangerous.

A partridge in a pear tree is better than it seems because that's a complete meal.

You take your Eight maids-a-milking and have fun with their pox-covered hands while I dance with one more lady than that.

It should end like this

The one time I tried this (genders reversed though) I donked my girlfriends head on the ceiling and it ruined everything. Sex helmets could have prevented this.

My husband is more than twice my weight, but I'm still going to ask him if he wants to try this just so I can see his reaction.

I initially assumed the picture of the monkeys at the top was the sexual position and I thought you meant a threeway with a child. So my answer was an emphatic: "WTF?! Jesus Christ, NO. What is your fucking dysfunction?!"

If she's that strong, I would prefer she just carry me around, Arianna Grande-style.