I'm a professional equestrian, so I got horseshoes on the top of my feet. Top comments "are you a colts fan?" & "shouldn't those be on the bottom?"

They become horse ladies with tattoos!

now taking bets that this doesn't end well

A sailor style shirt with a tie? Whaaaatt??

I love my period. Every month it's like "Yay! I'm not pregnant again! Way to go uterus!"

No?

Soy doesn't make your boobs grow?!?! *Spits out soy milk

So......is coffee bad or not?

She sounds charming.

If I was participating in a study, and they put me in a room, and said "Here's a bunch of free make up! Go crazy!" I would definitely end up looking like this:

Cursing is an emotional response that resides in a different part of the brain from the rest of language? I had no idea! I must be one goddamn fucking emotional bitch.

"slathered in Mid West Hot Rod Style Flavor Juice"

As a person who was raised catholic but consider myself agnostic, I believe in Jesus the way other non religious people quote Buddha. I think he was probably a guy with a lot of good ideas, but I don't believe in the resurrection & other doctrines that have been built around him.

I do find 7-11 taquito breath to be pretty effective birth control.

The *only* duty my bridesmaids will have to attend to is making sure none of use stay sober. I'm actually really excited to have bridesmaids because all my best friends are cute punk chicks covered in tattoos and we are going to look bitching. I'm having an open bar potluck wedding at the VFW hall and you are all…

My general rule of thumb is I don't sleep with guys who spend more time on hair and make up & twitter than I do.

THIS ARTICLE IS THE BEST THING TO EVER COME OUT OF JEZEBEL.

Whoever did that sucks at drawing in lattes! Seriously, looks like shit.

Or you're right, there is no solution so nevermind progress! You are such a fucking idiot and I am done.