If this comes to fruition, it will do more to destroy my childhood than if I were savagely beaten by Lawrence Taylor with an Intellivision paddle.

In other news, his dad lets him drive slow in the driveway.

This post would've been perfect, if only it had a holocaust cloak.

Who needs Adderall when you've got Jolt Cola and MiniThins?

Drew was the only school that sent me an official letter of recruitment. Looks like I dodged a bullet there.

"I paid a worker at New York's zoo to re-open it just for me and Robin. When we got to the gorilla cage there was one big silverback gorilla there just bullying all the other gorillas. They were so powerful but their eyes were like an innocent infant. I offered the attendant $10,000 to open the cage and let smash that…

One of these days, the Islanders will make news for, you know, playing hockey. How many consecutive embarrassments can this once proud franchise possibly endure?

Ihave to think all armored car drivers are aware, at all times, that anyone who sees their truck will immediately, reflexively, envision jacking it.

@anonymouseducator: Really: [www.sfgate.com]

Thank you, referee Scott Green, for not calling a penalty on Will Smith's blatant block in the back during Tracy Porter's interception return.

Larry Harrison, Jr. is a longtime Deadspin reader and commenter?

@formerly Chief Wahoo:

6. Hypocrite extraordinaire Mike Lupica, who wrote this self-righteous column ([bit.ly]) on Tuesday after profiting handsomely himself from romanticizing McGwire's "heroics" in the summer of 98 ([bit.ly]).

That dude is the truest warier whoever wared.

Sure looked like the mystery had vanished for Warner in 2004 when, while resembling a statue in the Giants pocket, he took 39 sacks (a career high) in just 9 starts before giving way to a not-at-all-ready-yet Eli. It's hard to believe, five years later, that this is the same guy.

Edge Gel is for amateurs. It's time to graduate to King of Shaves: [www.americarx.com]

Not for nothing, but I'm taking the Pack and the 2.5 points. What self-respecting pro football fan doesn't want to see Favre/Rodgers 3?

The Local Living editor would have caught the error sooner, but she was busy watching channel zero.

@Dany Heatley Speedwagon: Are you married to my wife?

Re: wives and forgetfulness. I concede that I am forgetful and am prone, like most husbands, to half-listen at times. But I am also convinced that there are a ton of things she believes she told me that she did not. Instead, she'll tell her mom or one of her friends and assume I was also clued in, which I fucking…