I put my pants on shoving cats off my pile of clean laundry just like everyone else.

You're a damned hero, is what you are.

I work for a cat circus

You know Charlize, for all of that wisdom you've gained over the years I don't think you've quite grasped what it means for a flower's chances of long-term survival if it's in a vase.

Dear Black People,

Oh, please, white-people-who-don't-know-better, do not try to befriend me for the explicit purpose of procuring a black friend. Be kind, be cool, don't be an ass and if there is a basis for friendship it will happen. Call me "girlfriend" in our first conversation, ask me to teach you to twerk or go deep on hair…

that's tangled, not frozen

So for my net monthly salary, one may have salt water injected into one's tits. Sounds like a great idea.

Boobs for one night? Can we please please please start referring to this procedure as "Cinderella Tits"?

umm.. That boyfriend.....

I used to work for a company with a boss who liked me, but was often very mean to other people. It was not uncommon to hear him yell "ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!?!" at my coworkers. You know, a real classy guy.

I have a really crazy one. It was about... 9, or 9:15 (I can't remember! XD ) and I got to the office, and I sat down and I did some work and GET THIS. A couple weeks later... I got PAID. LOL. I win right? I mean that's just hilarious.

That would be amazing. She'd pretend to be oh-so-happy for them, and then casually remark that she has just the juice cleanse for JLaw's "problem areas"...

at least it's not Sean Penn?

Seriously? They posted her social security number and home address?! I hope she sues them into the poor house.

Whoa. I didn't realize that it gave out her social security number! What the fuck is wrong with them? I hope she gets a decent amount of cash from those assholes and I'm happy she got her job back. God, this woman deserves a break already.

It's just another example of how the socialized male mindset that believes it has an inate right to access everything

Hahahahahahahahaha,you don't understand trans sympathy bc you're probably trans phobic.

BLATHERING WIG STAND!!!!! BAHAHAHAH.

It's not about you.