If you subscribed to the cult of Kondo this year, your house is likely echoing in emptiness (how joyful!) - now it’s time for phase 2 of her master plan ;)

Thank you! I forgot to include my two pairs of slouchy socks in clashing colors in my outfit... we also had the car telephone, the one with a cord and zipper case that plugs into the cigarette lighter and sits on the gigantic dash of my teal chevy lumina minivan.

That was amazing but point of order: your pager would be clipped to your belt (or your fanny pack, I guess) and your enormous cellular telephone would have its own carrying case, so big that you would have to put it in a briefcase or a tote bag. Or just leave it behind, since its battery only lasts for an hour or so…

No.

It goes around my waist, while wearing bermuda shorts, feathered hair, keds, a neon tank top / t-shirt from pac sun, contains a plethora of membership cards, lighters, cigarettes, both a motorola see-through pager AND an enormous cellular telephone, 3 scrunchies knotted together, gum, spare underpants, a mix tape,…

It’s fucking bad. It’s like having Eric Cartman as your president.

With a Republican-controlled everything, I’m assuming I will have to teach myself self-dentistry.

Every so often I’ll remember that he’s going to be POTUS and it takes all my self control not to go on a sweary rant. And I’m not even American, I can’t even imagine how bad it is for you guys.

He’s been doing it for 9 months. What’s 90+ days?

You know it’s bad when the only highlight in the dirt bag is Gwyneth Paltrow.

Bitch can take SEVERAL seats. “Racist to whites” isn’t a thing, because racism is prejudice PLUS institutional power, and white people are the ones with institutional power. It’s 2016, and there’s frankly no excuse for such self-indulgent ignorance. She can come back once she reads a damned book: preferably, Ta-Nehisi…

Unrelated question here...how do you get bloodstains out of alpaca? woolite?

...and this is why I have a dog. That would drive me bananas.

Following that logic, I should have thermodynamics equations tattooed on me somewhere.

This hit, that ice cold

"I didn't understand it, so I put it on my body for the rest of my life."

Whatever. I just use vaseline. And people are constantly telling me how impalpable I look.

Best. Boyfriend. Ever.

human treasure talks to human garbage about non humans, is a treasure, makes garbage mad.

But is it gluten-free?