Mom is supposed to clean up our messes. If mom doesn't clean up our messes, it must be because she isn't very good at her job—it isn't our fault for making the mess in the first place, mom is supposed to clean it up, that's what moms are for!

No, she's implying that men overwhelmingly occupy the positions of power in corporations and government that could conceivably take decisive action on climate change, and none has been forthcoming.

It's because he's doing homage and she's the real genuine deal. People want their flyover country tales filtered through NPR first. Actual small town folks are hopelessly uncool.

I read this entire thing in Garrison Keeler's voice. He gets all the accolades, she get's all the mockery, but it's the same damn thing.

You mean something like "the entire situation is very taxing on a man whose needs can be summed up in three letters?"

That whole video (this is just the intro) is filled with SO MUCH "I Don't Give a Fuck" gif potential.

"Where's Mittens?...Is he up there?...Hey Mittens! You up there?...I think he's up there. Probably has some food....I can't quite see what's going on there....I think I hear someone purring....I'm going to jump up and—-HOLY SHIT!"

"Why you treacherous lesser back limb! I'll teach you to strike whilst my attention is focused elsewhere. There, and that should be a lessen to all of my appendages: I'm top dog..err cat here and don't you forget it!"

Stop. With. The Kontour. When it reads this harsh in photographs I can only imagine (with horror) how it appears in person. This does not look like the subtle interplay of shadow and light. It looks like white and burnt orange Behr Exterior Premium Plus.

"If ignorance ever goes up to 40$ a barrel, I want drilling rights to his head."

When Alessandra Stanley writes her autobiography, it should be called "How to Make a Black Woman Angry."

ok i clearly would have been a suffragette because my actual reaction was I AM GOING TO GO PEE ON ALL OF THEIR GRASS!!! and that was just the brainstorm, so with some development i obviously would have gotten to sulfuric acid.

My first reaction was "What? How can golf clubs admit anyone? And where would they even be in charge of admittance? They're inanimate objects!" I am not a smart woman.

See, that's why I only play hold'em. It's only two cards! No need for elaborate counting. One, two, done. Even drunk I can count to two. He probably tried one of those seven card games and had to count on his fingers. That's how they get you.

I've liked a lot of her collections in the past (this one isn't doing a lot for me, though), but I am rolling my eyes at her pro-Scottish-independence lines. "I feel like they" and "it seems more like" ARE NOT VALID CRITICISMS OF A MAJOR SOCIO-ECONOMIC POLITICAL ISSUE. You might as well just say you think Scotland…

Elizabeth Olsen will Tom Hiddleston

Normal relationships are dynamic and unpredictable sometimes.

I like to imagine that multiple black women have called him a punk and his oblivious takeaway was that they thought he was Ashton Kutcher.

I've started approaching guys who say things to me as I'm walking by and saying with a smile "Can you repeat what you just said? Did you need something? Sorry, my hearing is really bad!" They're so mortified and not one has opted to repeat, to my face, what he's said. Then once I see that they won't repeat it, I just…