I was with you until #8. Please don’t tell me you eat your steaks well done, like their president.

Next, we need to allow golfers to use their club of choice to savagely beat anyone who yells “Get in the hole!”

It’s gonna be a bitterly ironic moment when they give Jordan Peele a screenwriting trophy and honor his movie in NO other way.

Ian is clearly correct. It’s not like you have to be Lidia Bastianich to make spaghetti and meatballs or a decent lasagna.

this streetwise 14-year-old foster kid can turn into the adult Super Hero Shazam

I am truly shocked to read a story where I take Tom Brady’s side.

Dang. I came here to make this exact joke.

a bounce-back season

I’m glad I live in the USA, where I don’t have to worry about excessively violent police officers, voter suppression, or dimwitted nationalists making cheap political points by attacking popular sports.

Do I . . . do I see . . . Mr. Terrific?

Counterpoint: Fuck autoplay ads. I’m trying to read about the Green Bay Packers during lunch and all of a sudden my browser is like “LET ME PLAY YOU THE SONG OF MY PEOPLE!” at top volume.

How about the super-duper proficient marriage tactic that I like to call Being Honest With Your Spouse? It involves — stay with me here — being honest with your spouse and telling them if their sushi casserole looks like vomit. And yes, you may have to “win” the argument by both of you eating the sushi casserole and…

We have all — every one of us — made our own Sushi Casserole at some point.

Gee, I don’t know. How do prisons justify using (mostly black) prisoners for free labor? Answer: they don’t bother. They just do it.

In fact, from now on I’m gonna use weird nicknames for every city . . . .

I tried KJAPRV25, and it said that the code has expired. Then I tried KJAPRV35, and it said that code can’t be used for the glasses I wanted.

I tried KJAPRV25, and it said that the code has expired. Then I tried KJAPRV35, and it said that code can’t be used…

Nutella is the best banana bread topping. Throw a slice of the banana bread in the toaster for a couple minutes first, then slather some of that sweet chocolate hazelnut goodness on it.

I feel dirty starring that post, but star it I must.

I don’t care what accent you deliver that line in. Meryl Streep couldn’t have made that line any less stupid.

Are you suggesting that taking a show off the air for a year might affect its merchandising? Why, Mad Men merch is just flying off the shelves!