Dear God, why? My brain hurts.

As a feminist who lives in Washington state, I have heard way too many stories of women who were basically the shitiest humans ever getting custody because they were the mothers so... It's such bullshit. Our courts apparently still buy into the nonsense notion that men aren't nurturing and can't handle kids on their…

Beat me to it. Le sigh.

Dude's got some legs!! Very nice.

Hey, you've got standards, don't apologize. If Ryan Gosling want's some action, he better get right with his barber.

Yeah dude, the only thing stopping you from having sex with Jennifer Lawrence is her new haircut and the fact that she's not a size zero. Or it could be that she doesn't even know you and even if she did she wouldn't give you the time of day because you're a loser who is so far beneath her, you have to get a ladder…

Come on, don't be stingy. I want peen too.

I look forward to serving our adorable, sloth overlords. I hope I get picked for the position of Royal Tummy Scratcher.

She deserved the death sentence because being black means she was automatically threatening this poor, innocent gun owner. Notice how he has to embellish the story to make his narrative work? He's going out of his way to make this girl look like a threatening monster because he would have shot her too.

Maybe they're implying the Native American brought something they said was corn, but was in fact horse dung that was shaped like corn.

Next thing you know, they'll be drinking beverages and breathing air!!

I would join the witness protection program, the fangirls are going to be out for your blood.

I have always preferred the "he did it too/he did this so why are you yelling at me for doing that" defense.

I was thinking the same thing, it would be the fastest, easiest way to ensure this shit didn't stick to him.

It was a good impression. You've summed those crap masters up pretty well.

Those are some dreamboat eyes, right there.

That is so cute. Seriously, it's a tiny little, cute chocolate bar.

Well said.

I just threw up in my mouth.