I would recommend always putting a couple of bucks on whatever horse Calvin Borel is on. For most of the year, that guy looks like (and probably is) the degenerate drunk that lives out back of the grocery store. But in late April, they send someone out to find him, hose the vomit off of his face, and prop him up on a…

Also, Wrigley Field constantly smells like piss...

The mother was reportedly heard mumbling something about "hot tub time machine" over and over...

I'm really confused, if the ref blew a foul against Cook, why did he go to the line?

I almost never have room for dessert because I am a huge pig, but most of these places have a nice Port list. Usually a waiter is giddy to talk about the Ports.

-Don't ask the beer cart girl if she will wash your ball.

This is the exact reason I want the NFL to leave Marshawn Lynch the fuck alone. No reason to hear an athlete or an entertainer speak about ANYTHING!

One suggestion I would add would be control your alcohol consumption. Alcohol screws with your judgment and if you are playing in a tournament, one bad decision can ruin a good day.

I had the pleasure of manning a booth at a food show next to these guys a few years ago. Not that it has any effect on your preference for their beer, but their people were damned nice and fun to hang around, for what that's worth.

Next time you are at Bobak's, look out back by the truck terminal for a red Hyundai. That's where I nap after the buffet (and for good reason, by the way).

Where's the Chupacabra?

It was much more watchable with the sound off!

Lawrence Taylor used to just call that "Tuesday Night."

I loved how, if you could claw your way to a semi-upright position with money in your hand, the bartender at Nick's would gladly take care of you.

As an alum, I'm guessing that with 12+ minutes to go in the 1st half, there was possibly a large percentage of the student body still sober enough to remember that play tomorrow.

As an Indiana Grad (during the Lee Corso years, no less), I sympathetically say...FUCK MICHIGAN!

Yep, I could hit a baseball clean over that mountain over there, Napolean!

Although everyone knew it was Cowboy Curtis who was banging Miss Yvonne!

"...and the Groundlings, where he helped create Pee-Wee's Playhouse with Paul Reubens before the latter took the show to kids' TV..."

So do they contract the NFL to 8 teams, or do we go to a 7 on 7 format, like the small high schools?