Oh no, the worst thing that can happen to someone is that they have a brief period of job uncertainty and awareness that people don't like them (for completely justified reasons). Everyone needs to be really careful to underscore the tragic suffering of Riley Cooper and get defensive on his behalf.

Fuck you.

Yeah, but give yourself a little credit - you get to feel superior to someone because they like something you no longer enjoy.

Well, it is New Jersey.

I can only root against Pete Kozma. The only way I will experience joy during this series is if it ends with a walk-off win in Boston due to a Kozma error. Or if he cries at some point.

Counterpoint: fuck both these teams.

Cue whining Cardinals fans whining about playing in the World Series but not being celebrated enough and why doesn't Deadspin support them at all it's sad and pathetic in 3.....2....

Which TV Markets are Getting Screwed Today: Monday Night edition, Vikings @ Giants

Who needs toilets? The Steelers take craps on the field every Sunday.

Haley: Scoring points against the Jets defense isn't as easy you would think. Any ideas?

9 out of 10 for Jay on his impression but I had to take a point away as I could actually understand what Jay was saying.

You're the first person in the history of the internet to notice that today's SNL can't hold a candle to what it was when you were in high school/70s "not ready for prime time" era. Good job.

Not DS's fault, but I've decided to boycott all 30 second ad-added videos.

I never thought Sheryl Crow would be this desperate to promote an album.

The Iron Sheik's twitter was one of those things that was really funny the first couple times, but it was just more and more and more of the same until there wasn't any more dead horse left to beat.

Well at least one Jaguar is blocking something this year.

Cedar Creek? More like Shit Creek.

randomly wandered into a Sears portrait studio

Dallas Latos must be receiving girl crazy lessons from Anna Benson.

Christ, what a fucking asshole. Dumb fucking jock-sniffing jerkoff, everything he says is total horseshit. Fuck him and fuck his stupid wife too, those two weirdos deserve one another.

Well, looks like I can finally drop out of high school. I used to think meth just got me high; now I know that selling it will teach me how to build a massive media empire. Thanks Jay-Z!