“I always destroy my old cell phones.”

So it boils down to THREE missing texts and some equivocal (at best) ball pressure readings and Brady gets one of the heftiest suspensions for non-drugs and non-violence in League history. Roger Goodell is really just not smart enough (or something enough) to be Commissioner of a sports league.

Unless I work for the government in a national security position, if my employer asks to see my personal cellphone, I would tell them to go shove an iphone 6 plus up their ass.

There’s this theory than the far left and the far right essentially end up colliding together in a vat of wtfery.

“She didn’t want Lilly to learn about black history,” he said, “She just wanted her to learn about the Confederacy.”

Terrible impression. Shot 100%.

Your wife looks like Brad Keselowski?

That’s exactly what it looked like. He was about to catch the ball, then suddenly realized he couldn’t use his hands. Ouch.

Which means it’s just as much Singer’s fault. 2 seconds of film, man. 2 seconds. Whole movie improved by 10%.

Do you know what happens when a toad gets struck by lightning?

A lot students on track tend to be reactionary. They don’t start counter steering until they feel the car’s rear end moving. This often ends in a spin even if you think you are prepared for it. When driving extremely fast like that guy, you can’t be reactionary. You have to be driving in front of the car so to speak.…

Efficiently. Such a nice word to use on what is basically a pastime activity

It might not’ve been unfair to Cowherd, cause he’s a dope and his message was still offensive and stupid.

Don’t go raw dog in Ohio. You’ll get the Oompa Lompa infection.

The hoop did a perfect Kendrick Perkins impression by being 7-feet tall and not moving the entire time.

All of this bullshit comes from our general population’s scientific illiteracy. It’s scary how little students are expected to know about biology and medicine by the time they graduate high school. Most are totally incapable of comprehending how vaccines work. At the end of the year, I devoted two entire lessons to…

Don’t laugh at the stock photo of that child. My own daughter was recently diagnosed with shutterstock. She has watermarks all over her face and body, and she refuses to go outdoors.

This was funnier that whatever that article was

Exactly. When I think “motherfucker,” I’m sure as shit not thinking Jon Stewart.

I just ignored the article and went straight for the comments. I figured they would be far more entertaining.