So this fucker is why my attempts to play Pokemon Go yesterday while my wife drove us all over the place was a completely fucking disaster, and not Sprint’s fault in any way?

Sounds like something out of a super hero show/movie where a noob has their powers manifest at a really bad time.

It’s a machine that sports. Duh.

I called that kick wide right before he missed it and I was more disappointed that I called it on the wrong side than I was over him missing it. You just get used to losing as a lifer Vikings fan.

My big gripe was focused on what appeared to be a lack of options for Titan loadouts. The first game let any Titan carry any weapon, which was pretty rad.

Uh.. I am pretty sure kissing him might not lead to my immediate death, so that’s definitely what I would do. Assuming I only have two choices, because trying option X means he kills me anyways, right?

Nope, wrong site you fucktwat!

Well what the fuck am I supposed to eat while waiting in traffic?

But that’s a an extremely rare double camel toe, which I do believe imbues the wielder with some sort of magical properties.

And most likely there is no current in the diving pool!

The shorter explanation...

So now that Metal Gear is all done, is now a good time to go back and play them all from the beginning? I’ve never played any of them for longer than 10 minutes.

Maybe this nearby Florida Shaped Pond somehow explains this away? I have no idea why. This is fucking Florida we’re talking about.

It sure seems like the best strategy to deal with such a fuckup is to swim to the bottom of the pool and stay there as long as you can. Make the entire audience think you’re drowning to the point the officials send in the rescue dive squad to come get you. Then swim up to the surface and enjoy the applause for one,…

Reads headline.

This is where we are right now. Can’t even sell cars to foreigners.

So did the robber show up with some weak ass Sambo, and that’s why he lost?

It seems like Philly sort of owns the gold medal (or at least the wrapping from a chocolate Christmas coin) in doing shit that is both trashy, but also looks like a lot of fun.

And he doesn’t even get to toss the guy out the door at high altitude well awesomely telling him “Looks like you get to begin your descent a little early!”?

Wait, does this double as a Zika/HIV joke? +1/-1