I’m a litigator. Sometimes I’ll do oral argument before the Court and think, “shit, that felt like rambling. I bet I sounded so dumb. I must do better next time.” And then I get the transcript back and I’ve spoken eloquently throughout it. Comparatively, I imagine Palin is like “nailed it” after a speech and then…

I know right?

That graph is really awkward to use. I can only hope interactive graph building becomes automated.

Mr. Robot was the best! How could you guys forget this? I mean I am so deeply offended about this incredible injustice on an end-of-year list of people’s opinions that aren’t exactly the same as mine.

Just off the top of my head these may be the reasons:

“hemispherism”

Those looking for some schadenfreude related to Papa John’s founder John Schnatter will just have to content themselves with the knowledge that his company’s pizza tastes like cardboard soaked in brackish tidewater topped with the dairy equivalent of a lanced boil.

Filming for Paul Bart: Mall Cop 3

I once accidentally kissed my dad on the lips goodbye when I was leaving in a train. It was horrible and gross.

The man even sucks at cheating on his diet! Fucking spumoni?!

He’s a black belt in Hulk Smash.

Black Jesus rode into town on an ass......

Say goodbye to discomfort from dairy!

For maximum edge, I would have gone with sickle cell rather than diabetes, but otherwise, I loved the article.

You know, a weird thought just occurred to me: maybe, and hear me out on this one, but maybe they take high school football too seriously in Texas.

Wouldn’t free ketchup actually be commie? Charging for it is very American and capitalist.

worth noting it was actually bob odenkirk who wrote the matt foley bit.

Of course the fucking Canadian didn't respond with violence.

HALF CHORES OMG YESSS

What the fuck is wrong with the EMT’s there? I don’t expect shit from the cops they’re amoral scumbags who have no care for the lives of the people unfortunate enough to cross their sociopathic paths. However, the EMT’s are medically trained. They know damn well about positional asphyxia why the fuck would they put…