That song that song what is that song?! I know I know it and will slap my forehead and say "doh!" as soon as someone tells me...so help?

I used to be thin. Now age has made me...fattish? Borderplus? A size that doesn't impede my existence in any major way, but which puts me on the wrong side of the BMI (incidentally, fuck you, BMI).

I was a surprise breech too. They found out when I popped out butt-first. I guess they didn't do ultrasounds in the 70s or something?

Weirdly, I have found Chicago to be a really easy place to make friends. California, on the other hand - super hard!

No. No. I spent the 80s and 90s loathing those jeans that came up to my belly button, and there was no alternative (until I figured out I could buy men's jeans instead). High-waisted jeans are miserable to wear, ugly, and I refuse even though I am an actual mom. I'd rather wear super-low-rise ones that show half my…

A bigger problem for me is bathing suits. I miss being able to wear tankinis.

I have a long torso and short legs, and this is pretty much the only kind of dress I wear. Empire waists were great when I had a waist of my very own, but after kids I really need my clothes to create one for me.

I love Crocs, because I'm old and don't give a shit. I want to be comfortable. But these don't look like they would be - the strap in the back is just hanging out an inch away from the foot, so it's probably not adjustable, which means the low clog back would rub and give me blisters. I can't do backless clogs, they…

That's the kind of distinction I'm talking about, yes. But there's no easy way to express it.

Who is this lady and how can I apply to be her best friend?

Well, I thought I was prepared, anyway. (I wasn't. Ha.)

Also, I feel like some of the things you're picking up on are really all in your perception. It's perfectly possible to talk about your life and what difficulties you're experiencing without expecting congratulations for how hard you're working. Is that something you would read into those kinds of statements…

That is not at all how I mean my statement. I can't speak to a condescending "Oh sweetie, you just won't get LIFE until you have kids," because that is BS. However, it's just fact that you don't know what it's like to have kids unless you have them. But then, clearly you don't want to know, anyway, so what's the issue?

You are missing my point. There is a difference between knowing about something and experiencing it. Some real-life examples: going to college, moving cross-country, getting divorced, starting a small business. All thing that I was prepared for, understood what to expect, etc - and didn't really, truly *get* until I…

Except that it is. Every person who has ever wanted to be a parent has thought they were prepared...and were then thoroughly gobsmacked by the actual experience. Why do you suppose that is?

I've seen a bit of outrage from childfree people taking offense to the idea that they don't understand what it's like to be a parent. One woman pointed out that it was BECAUSE she understood that she chose not to have children - she saw what it entailed and wanted no part of it.

Agreeing with others that what your peer group thinks should not be a part of your decision at ALL. Ten years from now you may not know any of those people anymore.

Hey girl. I'm a man at night AND a man in the morning.

I find Ryan Lochte strangely attractive. This is so embarrassing.

I usually like Rob Delaney, but that was a super dated and lame joke.