My advice is this: DO NOT USE AN ONLINE SERVICE TO ORDER FLOWERS. They are wastelands of sadness and disappointment. FTD is fine, but it's best to call a local mom & pop shop directly. You avoid fees and get to tell a real person what you want. Or if you live close, look at YouTube and arrange your own bouquet. Thrift…

That hairstyle reminds me of something...

What is this mess? It's like some pocahontas-inspired bizarro children's costume made adult size.

John the Baptist cried out in the wilderness and people went out to listen to him. This guy cried out in the middle of the town square and everyone left. I don't know about you, but I'd say that's a clear hint from God.

"Jenny McCarthy Would Like a Reality Show about her Wedding on Bravo" There, I fixed the headline.

Cider buzz is potentially the best buzz. You just feel kind of happy and just the right level of drunk. And screw just the apple stuff - pear cider is amazing, strawberry cider is like heaven.

I love cider and don't know why there's an element of shame to drinking it! If I get one at the beer-snob bar, I get side eye. What IS that?!? No more cider-shaming! By the way, try Strongbow. It's not as sweet, and it's fabulous.

"Surprisingly, there's a lot of misconception about what can go bye-bye down the toilet, like wipes, paper towels, condoms, drugs."

So what am I supposed to do?

Can we also put an end to hovering and peeing all over the fucking toilet seat in public ladies rooms? There is nothing worse than walking into a public restroom to find someone else's piss all over the damn seat. You cannot get fucking herpes or AIDS or whatever it is you're afraid of from plopping your ass on the…

Okay, I have to be honest I had NO IDEA that anybody actually flushes these things down the toilet. Whenever I read the sings in public restrooms asking people not to flush sanitary goods I always wonder who would do such a thing. I think I just went through puberty knowing that you wrap it in the plastic of the next…

A sophisticated hand job goes like this: touch penis, put in mouth.

I'm not even going to read the article, I'm just going to say that the header GIF for this is God's gift to mankind.

I really like the last paragraph. I'm currently saving up to get some cosmetic procedures and a number of people, particularly my mom, are vehemently against it since "I should be happy with what I have." But what if I'm NOT? In my case, what bugs me is my overly small chin. Is it really the worst thing in the world…

I do think this young man has his head on a whole lot straighter than that batshit crazy Barbie person.

He sounds a hell of a lot healthier than the "Barbie alien" chick at least.

Last I heard, he was living in Minnesota, coaching Pee-Wee Hockey. But that was at least 20 years ago.

Pretty sure kissing is not the thing you're supposed to do after holding an ice cube in your mouth.

This is really well-written and interesting. I love it when stuff like this pops up on Jez.

"Depression doesn't take away your talents — it just makes them harder to find."