I thought you meant Children’s Hospital, the Adult Swim show, and I was about to go over the moon.

We have a flat roof, which makes me think this would probably be a non-starter. But we did paint our roof silver and 1) it keeps us tons cooler when the summer sun is burning, and 2) it looks really awesome in aerial photos!

Who the hell would want to be proposed to at somebody else’s wedding?? Ugh. That’s a definite deal-breaker.

Fingernails. As a young lady I played the piano, and so I’ve never learned how to do anything other than cut them short.

Shoes you cannot walk in are not sexy, is the thought I have at the beginning of every SNL featuring a female host

The instant the networks decided their news divisions needed to make money was the instant they started to turn to shit.

I sometimes go to tag sales and estate sales. They quite often have bins and bins of the things they can’t seem to give away.

Wait a couple weeks and I bet the prices just might come back down to reality.

I just searched “lilly target” on eBay. There were 6,705 results.

C'mon!!! ThinkGeek's 360-degree selfie stick!!!

My mom has an uncle who is just a year older than her. He likes to say that when his mom found out she was pregnant with him she cried — and not the happy kind.

Well, they can't tell her she's too old, so ........

They probably also want you to know that they went to [whatever Ivy League college]

Like all good things in life — a lovely spring day, the early heady days of a romance, and the perfect cup of coffee — enjoy it in the moment. But keep looking forward, too. And be flexible. Life is full of surprises, both good and bad, and you just grab them or deal with them as they come.

This right here is one big reason to support the ACA: Job lock, which I have experienced first hand. When you realize your serious illness means no one with a halfway-decent HR screen will ever hire you and so you're stuck where you are. And that is a recipe for burnout.

Geez, you scared me. I thought you were going to say they were instituting a time limit on returns.

My tried-and-true method for avoiding clothing and shoe impulse buys: If I'm not thinking I MUST wear it tomorrow, I don't buy it because that means I don't really want it.

My brother uses the change jar method, every night everything in his pocket goes into the jar. It does add up.

Actually, no. I said it was obviously ill or injured. It was obviously in distress. It was obviously not seeking food. I didn't say it was rabid, in fact I said it likely was not.