The Sophia thing is crazy. There is always a Sophia. Everywhere. My kids' class lists are so different from mine. No Amanda. No Christina. No Erin. No Kelly. No Heather. :( But my girls' names still remain off all the lists. Success? Nobody can spell them. And no, they aren't spelled deliberately weird. No silent q.

If loving harry potter to obsession is wrong, I don't want to be right.

Not that important, but it is Cal State San Marcos, not Marcus. I wonder if they need chaperons who get to go for free...I'm pretty well-versed in Defense Against the Dark Arts.

Most of my generation (myself included!) was devastated when we didn't get our letter to Hogwarts. My 11th birthday was my most disappointing; right up until I had salmonella for my 21st.

It's his keen mind that sets him apart from all the rest of the actor.

My father-in-law is a cab driver in SFC and has been for decades. What Uber has done to the industry is unethical and should be illegal. I wish the rest of us average joes could just rename a regulated service and do whatever we want.

To be fair he should always STFU and STFD.

How about cancelling them for running a black-market taxi and livery service?

Good for John Hodgman. Fuck Uber. They've made San Francisco extra intolerable right now. Ashton Kutcher, sit down and shut the fuck up.

I think part of the reason why I'm not inclined to use soap even if it's OK is because, after years of not using it on my cast iron pans I haven't really come across too many times when I needed to. Usually a good scraping and, for really stuck stuff, scrubbing with salt takes care of everything.

I initially saw that as "Ebola" instead of "Idris Elba" because my contacts went fuzzy and I thought "Chris Brown is DEFINITELY Ebola."

News flash, Chris Brown: you are *not* Idris Elba.

Chicken salad made with oil is an abomination the likes of which good people should not be made to suffer.

People who have never had a seasoned tuna or chicken salad sandwich (the latter with appropriate accoutrement), may as well be the antichrist.

Can we all agree that that "tangy zip of Miracle Whip" is not mayo, is vile and has actually caused me irreperable harm?

People who don't think there's a time and a place for mayo are just objectively wrong. I wasn't even raised on it (I didn't have it until I was 20) and even I know that.

I don't trust people who say that they don't like mayonnaise. It's like saying, "I don't like weekends" or "I don't like fun."

This now makes me want to create a new Pinterest board in which I pin things like this, and label them entirely with word combos from the Guy Fieri Flavortown Dish Generator like "Punk Rock Reggie's triple X pork honk with Tuscan-style beef taffy."

Okay, I was seriously wincing at each one of these "food" items. Every time I thought it couldn't get worse, it did. This post was easily more horrifying than last week's scary stories. Barbecue tuna? "Quality" bologna and ranch dressing? Holy fucking Christ! WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

How about stopping saying females with smaller breasts have the bodies of young men? That's more damaging than Photoshop.