I wondered where “being hit by a bus” or a creative variation thereof would figure. I am disappoint.

But he’s not dying though

White people. They think all squirrels look alike.

He looks like a wannabe Donald Trump Jr. 

I appreciate how this bold young man is calling Ross out on the mission of the charity. It’s like:

These owners really need to stick to sports.

I was not aware of this. Guess I have to sign up now, I always love bringing old material to a new audience.

Han shot first?

I must have been on the cusp of a cycle or a no-hitter during my entire baseball career as a kid because none of my teammates ever spoke to me.

He kissed a boy goat on the mouth?

“Tom Brady’s Getting A Raise But Not Actually An Extension”

I mean, that’s science, the ears emit the most sound of all our holes.

Design meeting:

“What should the failure mode be for the wave generator?”
“Nothing, it should just die quietly and stop functioning.”
“We could do that. Or.. and hear me out on this one...”

What I love about hockey is how if somebody does something you don't like you can just beat them half to death right then and there. 

Damn, I was really hoping they were gonna add icing. 

The Stampeders are fine, but I like turtles.

Lol right? I almost glossed right over that but its fucking demented.

Well, I mean, he was doing this 5 years ago too. 45 doesn’t seem nearly as weird.

including a disturbing, months-long courtship of one of his own players

Come for the King, you best simultaneously touch.