Have you seen the Japanese game show “Slippery Stairs”? A bunch of greased-up people try to climb a big staircase.

Has anyone followed the story of the current lawsuit against him? Regarding him being tested and knew he was positive for std’s and did not disclose this to his girlfriend. When she told him about her symptoms he told her they were normal after shaving, like she was some dumb child that he could lie to. He knew. He…

Ivanka’s “job”: Nose

There really is a Kentucky Castle in Versailles (pronounces Ver-sails), Kentucky. I’ve driven by it many times. It’s tacky and I hate it so it’s perfect for them.

I love my Dorinda coockoo bird and her deliciously flailing arms.

Do you ever suppose the Republican Muslim Coalition and Log Cabin Republicans hang out? Is it like how the goth kids sometimes used to sit with the theatre kids?

Congrats on your recovery. It must've been tough.

That was totally your parent’s fault. If that had been me and my siblings we would have run rampant. Years later, we would still refer to is as “our Woodstock.”

I am a bit phobic about air travel. I’m the spazzy person who white knuckles the arm rest and goes into meditative breathing anytime the captain mentions it’s time to buckle up because we have some turbulence ahead. But twice now I have been seated next to the only person on the plane who was more afraid to fly than I…

I’m ignoring instructions because I DON’T PLAY BY THE RULES

My boob.

A few years ago, I was in the middle seat on a crowded flight. This massive dude ambles down the aisle and plops next to me. Bad start. The second we’re in the air, he reaches into his briefcase and brings out this incredibly worn manila folder. It has so many overlapping stains (coffee? alcohol? organic matter?) you…

Stuck in window seat next to very large woman on aisle. Drunk as a skunk, couldn’t believe they let her group board. She has 1L water bottle with her filled with red wine. Continues to drink it and proceeds to puke on herself early in flight. She wasn’t even sober enough to clean herself off and I was stuck in window…

Last time I flew a lady changed her baby on the tray table. Stood in the aisle of the plane and changed its diaper there for all to enjoy. (The baby also cried the entire 3 1/2 hr flight, but that’s another story). I know the airplane bathrooms are tiny, but no smaller than the general area each of us is assigned as a…

The last Etsy purchase I made was this leather bag. It is perfect in every way. I love it. I want to climb into it and use it as a sleeping bag. I want to marry it. I want to make sweet leathery love to it. I really dig my new bag is what I’m saying.

In other news: Water is wet, fire is hot and scissors are sharp.

Girl with arthritis, here.

I’M SUCH A NICE GUY WHY CAN’T YOU C*NTS JUST ACCEPT THAT

Let's all agree that the best thing ever is canceling plans at the last minute to watch a drunk girl yell at her boyfriend. "Babe, I know I said I would help you move, but she just screamed, 'I WILL DO TO THIS BOTTLE WHAT YOU DID TO MY SOUL' and attempted to break her bottle against the bar, but instead she fell over…

This is getting too hard. Canceling plans at the last minute and watching a crying drunk girl yell ta her boyfriend are equally enjoyable. I can't with this game anymore, you guys. That said, FANFICTION IS WAY BETTER THAN FREE PORN. ya'll are idiots.