My Grammie stayed up all night when she was a girl to watch the coronation of Elizabeth II, and she had this special rosebud-pattern tea set that we had proper English tea parties with every summer (she made crumpets and cucumber sandwiches and everything). I myself stayed up to watch Will & Kate get married (and…

Omg, his little bouncy-butt is adorable.

Yes.

My cousin is engaged to one such dickhead atheist, and I am now sending this to her.

What's that? Oh I'm sorry Laura, I can't hear you over the sound of every angel in heaven simultaneous bursting forth in jubilation because I just popped a can of:

How much are we all betting that he was teased thusly as a child: Cooch smells! CoochiSMELLSi!!

It would be hilarious if it weren't so obviously an attempt to legally homogenize the entire American sexual experience as P in V after marriage, in other words, just another way to make gay people or unmarried people or kinky or just different people criminally "other".

Great, I want macaroni and cheese now.

I wouldn't make fun of a close friend's dumb ink even behind her back, but I'd sure as hell cackle over a celebrity's dumb ink.

If I lived in the next apartment, I'd have a really great time exacting my revenge for this screaming in the morning nonsense.

Yeah she's fetishizing for sure.

Excellent. I'm always on the lookout for a good Christian homemaker blog to raise my eyebrows at.

Robert Galbraith is my husband's cousin's name. I'm related to J.K. Rowling you guys.

Yep, this is my all-consuming passion of the ages: rock art. Specifically Native American, super-specifically Chumash since we live in California. In fact I first knew that I was in love with Mr. Wont when he took me on a bushwhacking adventure into the wilderness and we found two rock art sites together. The only…

Dicks are just so lovely. I tell Mr. Wont that his is truly the most beautiful I've ever seen, and then I whip out my Slut Certificate to show him how big of a compliment that is.

Based on his whack-a-doodle "3 sex partners" rule, I don't think I even need to take the test to proclaim myself a porcupine, unless there's a level higher than porcupine.

We can't even eat healthier and try new things without feeling guilty, can we?

My wedding had 75 people! I was also extremely nervous to walk down the aisle, mainly because I had to walk down stairs and I had a train, but also because I'm one of those that doesn't like everybody looking right at me stoplookingatme.

They outlawed marriage altogether in Montana, eh? "If the gays want it, NOBODY gets it!"

I would cry (from beyond the grave), because that's a sad way for a bowl of pea soup to go.