I haven't seen so many periods in one response since Sara McLachlan asked her audience a question.

If the NFL doesn't pan out for Lance Ball, his dad is hoping that he follows his true calling and becomes a testicular dermatologist.

One can only hope he follows in Steve Jobs footsteps and dies a painful death from pancreatic cancer.

The King of Keno is still that creepy 92 year old man in the Taj who plays for hours on end and smokes cigarettes through a hole in his throat.

+1 Gilbert

Fan: "Hey Haley, John Fox is better."

Playboy Channel's Press the Meat also devoted 30 minutes to anal sex this morning.

The Little 3 trophy, given to the best half court midget basketball team, is still named The Favre.

"Wow, we scored three points against the Jaguars! I'm going to celebrate with a nice cup of chamomile and do the crossword."

He's actually performing his one man show about the Yaroslavl Lokomotiv KHL team.

Peter Gammons' Sunday Night Aneurysm was the original title of Diamond Notes.

The question will be Tebow's durability. I haven't see a Bronco take that many shots since Darrent Williams.

misery to dejection to bike-pedaling, sisyphean existential despair

This is the biggest "mega-suit" since Albert Haynesworth's tailor custom made him a three piece.

Marv would request a new pair of underwear every third quarter, but that was because the prostitute's scent would start to fade.

In a related story, Andy Reid gave his NFC championship tee shirt to Mrs. Butterworth.

After hearing Cookie Monster would be there, Amar'e and Carmelo were disappointed to find out it wasn't Charles Barkley.

What they got: Pyrotechnics.

In reverse order that list reads like a typical date night at Michael Jackson's house.

Joe Pa's confused response was "Not yet. My nurse usually comes in 15 minutes and changes my diaper."