That mask was actually surgically installed on his face by his dietician to keep him from shoving donuts into his mouth two at a time.

"Can you believe '15'? … I mean, it's a joke."

Oliver Miller is looking at the Japan leagues where he can build on his nickname: "The Big O-no".

Probably doesn't help that their top rated show (pictured) is "Who Queefed?"

"Menopause Manager" was an actual cast position on Golden Girls.

+1 Vaginal Exam

Erving's illegitimate children are getting together to write a book titled: Dr. J; Completist

His twin brother, Jaleel White, then chimed in with "Why did I focus on Laura when that piece of ass Myra was there the whole time?"

In 2009, the Cleveland Browns had a "Fight Depression Night", but they were giving away sleeping pills and flasks of Jack Daniels.

John Kruk said something similar right before his surgery.

Yogi: "tl;dr"

The last time Trevor Matich fucked off, he broke BYU's honor code.

Uta Pippig actually trademarked that phrase in 1996.

This reminds of the time Antonio Cromartie did that hat commercial.

The worst blue whale experience ever was when the mortician had sex with Mama Cass' corpse.

Or maybe MLB wanted to avoid the embarrassment of showcasing a representative of a sport people actually still watch.

My vote for least expressive voice still goes to Stephen Hawking.

ms hasn't been this talked about since Montell Williams met Richard Pryor.

When asked about her "Welcome to the NFL" moment, Lawrence Phillips' ex-girlfriend responded with: "The first hit. Actually, check that...when he threw me down the stairs".

That defense is also know as "Dexter Manley's attempt to spell the word BEST".