Pictured: Philip Rivers trying to figure out how many branches are on Antonio Cromartie's family tree.

a Teddy Roosevelt kind of baseball player

This explains why Notre Dame's football team had a "Grimace" on the travel roster from 2005 - 2009.

If he was going 118mph after smoking a couple of spliffs, I am guessing he would have been at Ludicrous Speed sober.

The Yankees also just sued goatse because they have rights to being gigantic assholes.

Heinrich Himmler actually enjoyed doing damage control during his first camp.

Shittybuttyblog is a great way for double hand amputees to talk about their wiping experiences.

Hideki Irabu preferred to hang with the upper class.

My mom always told me that I could accomplish anything I set my mind to. And today, I accomplished my goal of being the least productive person in the office.

It's also an unpleasant cultural collision when Trent Richardson makes them "go Greek".

They impregnate chicks and give birth to big dicked kids.

Besides the dead squirrel, of course. And the dead child.

I find it amazing that Logan Morrison is able to hold steady and stare at the camera while banging Heather Mills.

Monsieur Twinklestump was also a little known gay French pirate.

Next weeks race is brought to you by FUCKING AWESOME PORK RINDS!

Zapruder wrote that on a post-it note, stuck it to the film, and sent it to the secret service.

The Gobbledy Gooker was also that Asian woman who set the fellatio world record.

Putting 3 Inches Into a 3 1/2 Inch Slot was Tom Arnold's memoir about his marriage to Roseanne Barr.

Holgorsen is still looking for a Sum Guy who can help his players pass Intro to Statistics.

Jeez, what a grouch.