I am udderly disgusted.

Chomp, chomp. I've arrived.

Luckily, his homely neighbor Boof was able to bail him out after an hour or so.

You know who else has bad fans? Nambla.

The best part of my life is not hear

The good news is that he stumbled into a fund raiser for MS and became the guest of honor.

Thankfully, baseball had Pedro Martinez around to remind them what a shrunken superstar should be.

Rape, murder, arson, and rape.

Careful Z, it didn't work out well for ME.

There are at most three full-time AL shortstops who are having a worse year.

I haven't seen someone so upset over TP decisions since Drew's "Sit vs Stand" debate.

I haven't seen a boozer disrespect a King James like that since Dana Jacobson masturbated with a pocket bible.

Sure beats the 12 gunts Kournikova is going to try to eliminate on next season of Biggest Loser.

"He's sixty-five to seventy per cent of what he was."

In a related story, Philip Michael Thomas found a nickel under his seat on the bus.

Meanwhile, heaven's dirtiest dancer, Patrick Swayze, just infected Elizabeth Taylor with gonorrhea and lit up a cigarette.

I had two balls on my first major-league game..

Kunza. Apa he te. Apa he te.

Jack's disdain for the Royal Family almost matches his brother Anthony's hatred of the Alpha Betas.

destined to end in glory and highlight compilations for one side, and wondering why you even bothered staying up late for the other