I'd be 42 years old, Christ.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: Don't underestimate the amount of homeless sex that happens out there. It's like the set of Caligula.

Technically Pat Burrell won the World Series, but an 0-11 with 9 strikeout performance should only get him a pinky ring.

The Third World Cup selection show on National Geographic Channel is way more exciting.

Also, snap judgments in December.

Being fluent in dinosaur is how Andy Rooney was able to convince Al Davis ot appear on 60 Minutes.

@AzureTexan: +1 breakfast of pizza rolls.

Because you know what? Butler!

@dont-forget-where-you-came-from-cheese mac: +1

The female version of the game comes with a digital dental dam.

I prefer those low powered Southern law firms that charm the pants off of juries by using words like "newfangled" and "shucks".

Michael Westbrook's appearance on Bully Beatdown means he has had a much, much worse 2010 than Donovan McNabb.

All of the teams come with a "shrewd front office" and "top notch legal group".

stomp through Zurich singing the vindaloo song

Apologies to Pipp.

His opponent at least delivered on his promise to: "Beat the shit out him, one way or the other".

The Shady Acres Assisted Living baseball team is looking for a reliever with continence. They are tired of all those 9th inning bathroom breaks.

Their A-cup only cheerleaders will be known as the Skeeter Bites.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: I am saddened that I know The Wiz from Seinfeld sells him the ID and that Mr. Pappagiorgio is from Yuma.

I haven't seen skidmarks like that from a soccer player since Charlie Davies was on the George Washington Memorial Parkway.