@UweBollocks: He also gave them HIV in the 80s.

At the Reds victory parade, Marge Schott decided against showing off her ping pong ball "talent" taught to her by Eva Braun.

So for $25, fans get three hours alone with the old arena.

Dallas, can you win anything?

Meh.

AJ Burnett got the Chan Ho Park treatment when he was wildly overpaid and then underperformed.

He looks like a cancer patient.

@ClueHeywood: +1 arthritic joints swelling

Nice work Craggs. We all know that Kevin Garnett's legacy will forever be butchering the Adidas slogan and telling Michelle Tafoya "You look good tonight, girl" after winning a championship.

The first competitor in years to disrespect Slater publicly, and certainly the only one to back up his taunts.

In my experience when the Cocks come up short, women laugh and say "Don't worry. It happens to everyone."

"I would feed this Blank to my dog."

It was going well until Garnett ended the statement with "But seriously, have you people seen him? Guy straight up looks like he has cancer. Thank you and God bless."

"And these are the two fingers I used to loosen up Brad Childress' butthole before bending him over and completely screwing him."

if a $10 Miller Lite gets a girl to do this, she's not the kind of girl you want.

Dave Foley is in our office right now, but he is dressed as a woman and applying for a job as a secretary.

Dopeheads and Brian Wilson was the original name of the Beach Boys.

Meanwhile, few people are psyched that "Dog the Bounty Hunter" is having any measure of success.

@AzureTexan: Upon arriving in heaven, Tony Curtis said "I'm amazed Danny Gans is here. That guy was an asshole."

Thirteen of her wins have been in Grade I races.