That's OK, Kirstie Alley counts "chewing gum" as a exercise.

It's physically impossible for a human to mentally register the double zero

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Never fails. Don't ever change.

who prefer headsets over ball gags

After being told to pick on someone his own size, the Florida fan kicked the shit out of Smokey.

This is cross-posted on Fleshbot because of the big Furry Monday celebration.

Wheezin-ball is what Colvin is going to playing with the other patients in the pulmonary unit during activity time.

@FavreFAIL: I was mostly referring to the second sentence. Gotta love the honor code in college. Professors literally could not be in the classroom during a test, and you were actually free to take it back to your room if you wanted. Thank God, too.

@Armen Tamzarian: Just because you see a black face doesn't mean he is one of us.

Most dangerous Splinter I have seen since that giant rat beat the shit out of Rocksteady and Bebop.

@FavreFAIL: That was pretty much my inner monologue every Sunday afternoon in college in the late 90s.

"Village for Homeless Cats" was the shortlived WB sitcom starring Isaac Hayes, Jim Brown, and Fred Williamson portraying bums in Harlem.

"He's a Porter and mops linoleum floors."

"Freakishly huge slab of mouth meat" is how Tommy Lee referred to Pam Anderson's labia.

Marinovich was commissioned by the guy who just swam the English channel to paint his dream woman.

Jason's Whitlock's roast last night consisted of just him and 200 lbs of pork ribs.

18 years is not too soon.

Rae Carruth was more interested in the Dead Chick Lift video.

Kansas State actually admits 98 percent of applicants.

The Detroit Shame is the alternate nickname for the Lions.