@Hatey McLife: Raping machine was one of Eli Whitney's less popular inventions.

Yeah, but the microphones missed the discussion before the snap when Wayne was talking about his views on Oedipus Rex.

"I bet you don't know who W.C. Heinz is."

@MarkKelsosMigraine: Tapatio voice?

They're here every day, and they've never gotten catcalled, or disrespected because they're women.

This is easily the worst thing to happen to the people of Detroit in a decade.

This is the worst product placement for Nike since giving Uta Pippig white running shorts for the 1996 Boston marathon.

Meanwhile, Bernie Kosar is just still drunk.

When starting his charity for MDA, Jerry Lewis had considered Abortion Death Squad before finally settling on Jerry's Kids.

@Eddie Murray Sparkles: +1 Silver Spoon.

Alexia

I haven't seen a Pole get hit that hard since Tyson vs Golota.

In 2004, Dodge Ram Van had a similar campaign to promote their handicapped model, but Daryl Stingley could only strike 1 pose.

The Pirates agreed to play the role of 9 corpses during the extraction simulation, and will likely stay in character during the game.

"Blew it, blew it, blew it."

Jimmy really fell in love after seeing what Evert could do with those double jointed thumbs and a bottle of Astroglide.

John Kruk was to busy pounding beers and eating donuts to notice if his ball was actually dead.

I think I am the most famous wrecked loner.

Hey, we had an NFL party last night and there's that whole "Turning Five" thing.

Al Davis just moved him to the top of his draft board. Of course, that draft board is his refrigerator and Jacory is represented by a magnetized letter "J".