I haven't been this excited about a brain bleeding since a stroke took care of that stuck-up Rue McLanahan.

Antonio Cromartie's training regimen is to make a third person and run from child support payments.

I don't have a fucking clue what these financial reports are trying to prove.

She is also planning on getting Antonio Cromartie laid, but the countdown is to today's lunch break.

This turned out a lot better than when I tried to use an epee on my ex girlfriend.

Good for you Babs. My grandma just hangs out in the living room all day long...in an urn.

Unfortunately, Alec also has the brain of a community college baseball player.

Not as bad as the NY Post editor missed the "Als Gehrig" typo.

Gabe was even more bummed when Carson Palmer refused to sign his spankerchief.

"Drew Brees cool" is a much better adjective than "Mina Brees optimistic".

The girls in the picture were practicing their poses for the Dongzilla photoshoot later in the day.

The definitive LeBaron takedown was the harsh review from Car & Driver after Chrysler offered wood paneling.

You know what else is unoriginal? Going to an event wearing the exact same shirt as your homeless friend.

No mention of his olive oil voice?

Vin later told a great story about how Joe Torre's bald spot is actually a solar panel for the sex machine.

"I'm getting wetter."

That turtleneck is hiding the brace needed to support his medicine ball-sized head.

@BruschisBrewsky: +1

The Kids With Cancer little league team's fight song was WAY more depressing though.

Jess is actually deaf and sitting right next to him.