Um, so, a lot of these (in the OP) seem like not so much “too old for” as “too rich for.” Obviously there’s a connection; most of us make some compromises in our teens and twenties that we hopefully don’t have to keep making forever. I guess I’m just feeling a little defensive as an almost-32-year-old, one year out of…

That was my thought. Apparently this type of injury is much more common as a natural consequence of aging than as a result of trauma.

A friend of my parents, whom we just visited for the first time, kept referring to a “Toby” who, from context, appears to be his partner. We’ve been trying to figure out if this was his subtle way of coming out to us, or if there’s a sixty-something woman out there named Toby. How old is your Toby?

Yup. Are you a UK lawyer? Just wondering. Anyhoo, in the US we call that the “eggshell plaintiff rule.” The thing is, though, it has to actually be a tort in the first place, such as battery (unwanted/offensive touching.) It sounds to me like the way this place works is you have to signal your desire to have a roll…

I cackled at this. Like, seriously loud evil cackling. My cat is terrified. I hope you’re happy.

Two words: vow renewal. Or just “anniversary party.” I’m the first to criticize the endless parties leading up to the wedding (seriously your 20/30-something friends aren’t made of money, and also getting married isn’t that much of an accomplishment), but I’m all about continuing to celebrate a marriage that you’d do…

Cake is overrated.

I thought that was the point with a Moscow Mule?

I love how it says they’ll “barely” notice. Because they will notice; you know that, right? You know that they’ll notice and judge you and talk about you behind your back? But don’t worry! They’ll be so distracted by your cheap wine selection at the open bar and your tacky centerpieces featuring boring, ho-hum roses…

Seriously tho who are these people who invite total strangers who are also idiots to their wedding? You have to wear a white dress (and no one else can) because otherwise how will people know you’re the bride? You have to decorate your chair specially because otherwise how will people know you’re the bride? How about,…

I was confused about that, too. I guess there’s at least an unspoken rule on dating sites other than AshleyMadison that you’re not supposed to be using them to cheat on your partner, but I thought it was kind of a known thing that Tinder is where couples go to find a third, people in open relationships go to find…

Someone recently told me that the secret to grilled cheese is...mayo. Like, you put it on the outside of the bread instead of butter before you grill it. I don’t know whether I believe it, but I’m curious enough to try it.

I’m trying to make “extra caramel” happen, but I’m not sure it’s gonna happen.

If crazy could be harnessed as an energy source, we would never have to find another source, ever. It would power the planet from here to eternity.

I never did the Livejournal thing, so this is news to me. When was that?

Ooooh. Me like.

That’s nice, but you didn’t say, “this is what I did.” You said it’s what everyone should do. I wasn’t old enough to drink in the ‘80s so I can’t speak to whether your advice would have been useful then, but it’s at the very least hopelessly out of date now.

I don’t think it’s legal to just not educate your kid at all. The government gives parents a lot of leeway with homeschooling, but you’ve got to at least pretend they’re getting some kind of education.

No. I worked as a bartender for years and never had to deal with this particular issue; I would not have wasted valuable freezer real estate on the off-chance that it might ever happen. Because if it did, you know that asshole would think themselves too good for Smirnoff anyway and demand Grey Goose, even though they…

Well-done. But I didn’t see anything in your story that needed to be explained by pregnancy hormones. In fact, if you’ve got hormones going wild under the circumstances, I think you could’ve been forgiven for chucking that iced-tea-no-lemon at their fool heads. Oh well, maybe you’ll take advantage of that next time. ;)