Don't you mean the embiggening of cromulent usage?

My boyfriend is not Korean, but he used to chew more audibly than I could stand. He got really offended when I first asked him to keep his mouth closed while he chewed and to be conscious of lip smacking and slurping. Luckily for me, he worships Dan Savage and will do anything the man says (thanks for insisting that…

My boyfriend is not Korean, but he used to chew more audibly than I could stand. He got really offended when I first asked him to keep his mouth closed while he chewed and to be conscious of lip smacking and slurping. Luckily for me, he worships Dan Savage and will do anything the man says (thanks for insisting that…

This is brilliant and I'm gonna follow you so I can stalk you in all the brilliant things you say.

I realize it's hard to read tone on the internet, but I'm not angry. I'm really, truly sad for you. I can't imagine what kind of life would drive me to lurk on a message board full of people I had nothing but contempt for. (As opposed to a message board with just a handful of people I feel very sorry for!)

What is it with you whiners who hang around the Jezebel comments section to whine about how much you hate Jezebel commenters? You must be incredibly lonely.

Several things:

Well, then. I guess it doesn't matter what anyone else cares about.

My boyfriend hands me the cat when I'm upset too! It totally works! If we're not at home and there's no cat handy, he starts telling me he's hidden a bucket of kittens for me somewhere. It's goofy, but it always makes me smile.

I mean...I kind of think you must be right about those keys not being "left by customers." So I don't think you should be that embarrassed for laying into them.

Oh my God, the closest I ever came to a paranoid freakout on pot (I'm too much of a wuss for acid) was when I looked down at the blue Gatorade in my hand and realized that THIS IS NOT A COLOR THAT OCCURS IN NATURE, YOU GUYS. WHY ARE WE DRINKING THIS SHIT? I wouldn't say I was completely inconsolable, but I also don't…

Yeah, a couple of people here have shared stories of pregnant/new mom colleagues not pulling their weight, and I'm sympathetic to both sides. I think everyone—parents, non-parents, children—would be better off if we could get some paid parental leave.

I didn't tell my boss when I got pregnant, because I was planning to terminate. Still, a mere eight weeks of pregnancy did hamper my job performance, though luckily not enough to get me fired. I had "morning sickness" all damn day long. I was a bartender in a restaurant, and I was often the only one on duty during a…

OMG the fat waddle. I need video.

I feel the same way about cats. Fat cats are fucking delightful. I would never let my cat get fat, because I love him too much to hurt him like that. But every time I see a fat cat, I feel all warm and fuzzy inside, and I can't help giggling.

Can I just say I am really fucking sick of this whole everyone-needs-therapy thing?

Oh, thank God, I'm off the hook. For a minute there I thought my abortion had caused racism, but now I see that, because the abortion was part of a series of events involving man-on-woman, PIV-as-God-intended sex, I can't possibly be responsible.

OK, I read the linked FAQ, and I don't see where this article contains misinformation. Care to elaborate?

The part that got me was when they were such jerks about that guy who lost his foot in the war. They called him half a man, or something, behind his back. I literally gasped out loud.

Corpses and fetuses are so much more likeable than actual human beings who complain when you treat them badly.