You’re a copy-pasting, pants-shitting whiny lunatic. Nobody gives a shit what you think because it’s WRONG, asshat. Go fuck a freshly-cooked Tombstone a couple more times.

Subway did it so much better back in the halcyon days of the franchise. They’d neatly cut a bread trench out of the roll, stuff the trench with all the fixins, then replace the hunk of bread they cut out to form the trench on top before wrapping it up and handing it over. All the bread, all the meats, diabetes for…

That’s cool. I won’t be speaking to mine for the next 4 years.

The only place that officer is fit to protect is the basement of the Alamo.

You must not be a 30 something lawyer with kids, like half of the Deadspin readership

sorry you got fired from your job at jiffylube

lol dude

I manage a casino in Las Vegas, NV and I’ve trained my poker dealers to identify Trump supporters and make them bust on every hand.

Bills fans don’t take a day off

I just realized that the majority of people reading this have no clue who Thornton Melon is, without Googling.

Geez Magary. Way to play right into the hands of BIG TISSUE

Bills fan here. I’m in constant pain, usually from folding table related injuries.

that and the physical pain

Me: Tarantula Hawk, eh?

So I have always wanted to ask, is pulling off those lower chin straps from the side of the helmet in frustration the most satisfying thing? Because it sure looks like it. When I see that I’m like aw yeah, that guy KNOWS he fucked up.

I keep oscillating back and forth between “It’s gotta be Jerry” and “No it can’t be Jerry that’s way too obvious”

That’s because both are condescending no matter where you live or who you’re talking to tiger

Bob Log laughs.

Fuck you, I laughed.

I cried more than enough this week and I’m still crying. Seeing Keith’s face, that’s me since my mom died on Wednesday. And, I’m getting evicted, I don’t care even. I’m done crying.