Enjoy!

Drew - were you wearing the Chopped shirt? I can see where a bumblebee might have gotten confused.

And those two met while planking.

I need this to be made into a Lifetime movie STAT.

The Ice Bucket Challenge, raising more awareness than you think.

This just made me remember a great one from a friend of mine at an appointment with a student health doctor. Her name’s Kate, but for some reason this guy called her Katie. Then when she corrected him, he got a little pissy about it and said something like “Eh, what’s the difference?” She looked at his name tag, which…

This was not a verbal retort, but a burn none the less. I was in journalism school and we had a class with the TV students for a unit on TV news that we did together. The TV tutor was an uberbitch. (Our tutor was cool).

You handled that well. People who assume that you don’t have a disability because it’s something they can’t see, and especially people who make pointed comments about it to you about are ...

I’m a lawyer, and at the time of this incident was practicing in several fairly small and rural Southern counties. I’d been out of law school for 2 or 3 years, long enough to be tired of the crap I would fairly regularly get from some older male lawyers. I had a trial in the neighboring county, and my opposing counsel…

I may have told this on here before, so please bear with me if you have, for some reason, heard it already:

Ha. I worked with a lovable screw-up who wanted me to write him a reference. I wrote on company letterhead, “This is to introduce Jim Smith who has been on our payroll for three years. You will be very lucky if you can get him to work for you.”

I was working third shift at a soul-killing job and during handover to the morning shift, we had to explain a minor mess-up which we were all staying to help sort out. It wasn’t a big deal and this was one of those completely pointless jobs where what we did was shift around data that had no bearing on anything in the…

I was working at the video desk at the library in the dark years before DVDs, blu-rays, or even streaming or digital downloads! It was a brutal time.

Senior year of high school, walking from a show (some local band) to our car. An honest to god flasher jumps by us and wiggles his dick, and shouts “WHADDAYA Y’ALL THINK OF THIS????”

For some burns, context is everything.

My grandmother was the most polite person I’ve ever known. Not necessarily the ‘nicest’, but in the tradition of fine scottish-descended, church-going, tee-totalling canadians, I don’t think I ever heard her say anything harsher than a quiet ‘tut-tut’ in her whole life. She was…

You didn’t “burn” the cop by any stretch of the imagination, and you didn’t use it “perfectly” in context. He wasn’t making some insult to which you gave a witty comeback, you were just a drunk asshole he was stopping from killing anyone else.

I’ve told this story before, but here it goes again.

1) Stolen from Winston Churchill

Many years ago, as I stood in line at the (University) gym to be issued gym clothes, a student in front of me told the attendant he needed a “medium jock strap with a large cup.” The attendant immediately came back with “Why? Are you trying to leave room for your hand?”

Me: God, all you do is bitch moan and complain. I don’t even have any girlfriends that complain as much as you do!