Maybe because of that last minute text, he had to borrow William’s pants. His pants usually fit much better. Not that I’ve been studying Harry’s pants on the reg.

i for real owe my life to the anonymous internet person that i don’t remember who said the immortal words:

you sound like your drinking wine and laughing tolerance is very low

I can think of one circumstance.

That’s exactly what I was thinking, like I am going to a suuuuuuuper hippie art festival in 4 weeks and I am legit looking into getting one of these things because the aesthetic is really like...Mad Max meets sunworshipping yogi on acid. So I think I need this.

Only to Coachella

*It’s not a public election.* It’s a PRIMARY election for a private, political party. It’s a primary for members of that party. We do not have a constitutional right to vote in the elections of parties for which we are not associated because, once again, *they are private entities.* Seriously, this is not complicated.

It is pretty damn ridiculous, given the horrible voting laws that almost ALWAYS target the poor and the minorities in many states, that THIS is what everyone’s talking about. I mean fine, it sucks to not vote in the primary..... but once again, these parties are private entities who could decide they’ll only let guys…

Really? You’re going all Tea Party?

Sanders still technically has a numerical path to the nomination, but in a practical sense, he doesn’t.

He likes America like he likes his wife: Laying on her back, passive, not making a sound, not enjoying herself. Basically a flesh gym sock for him to flop spasmodically on for a minute or two occasionally because it’s her duty.

Lying down with your back on a mat is standard Ted Cruz dating protocol. The ballgag is implied, not explicitly mentioned (plausible deniability).

Shoot, I had a coyote cruising around my garage this morning (and I had my dog with me) and I noped out of there so fast. Extra nope on the jumbo sized salad eaters.

Personally, I am pulling for the ‘Kylie is a genius who invented time travel’ theory.

BUT WHAT DOES KYLIE THINK?

I don’t know but I’m willing to take one for the team and find out. You know, for science reasons and stuff.