Chris Brown has a singular talent for making it impossible to sympathize with him even if he’s recounting a vaguely traumatic incident from his childhood. You know, like that time he lost his virginity to teenage girl. When he was eight.

Why would they interview her in her KITCHEN? Because its such a attention grabbing contrast: can you imagine a woman who WORKS OUTSIDE THE KITCHEN!?!?!?!?

I totally get where you're coming from. I watch Scandal the way I watch a soap opera. I love it, but it's not reality-based - not in the least. It's completely over the top.

I love Veep. I've busted a gut laughing during it. And while I love Kerry Washington I don't like Scandal because I don't understand how a woman as smart, competent, accomplished and beautiful would fall for the creepy president.

Here you go.

Okay, but let's talk about how Selina Meyer would handle the government shutdown. Nothing against Kerry, who is beautiful and seems like a pretty sharp person on the whole, but seriously, there's more than one show about strong women in government, and Veep is just better.

Bacon-flavored craft brew shows up on a bike, but horribly out of breath.

This conversation got very Good Omens very fast.

This year I got a not-sexy halloween costume. I am so excited y'all you have no idea:

I'm actually going as a sexy aqueduct this year.

I thought the same thing. Exactly. I wonder if she is rooting for Cressida and Harry to get married, so that she can play her in the Lifetime Movie. Maggie Lawson has already done a couple of them

This is how you make a joke about rape culture.

Smirnoff Ice is the bro in class who loudly mentions how he completely forgot about the test and didn't study...and then gets an A.

Mike's Hard Lemonade has a creepy fixation on much, much younger women.

Ugh, grape culture. Amirite?

I was thinking Alicia Silverstone at first, but you're right. She looks more like Maggie Lawson.

Ooh, understandable. Let him not near me, neither, for my tail it doth wag for such lusty loquaciousness (I mean the "smooth" part of the definition, not the garrulous synonym, but then you knew that). #wordnerdsunite

I'm sorry guys, you couldn't get the numbers to defeat the ACA in either house of Congress. You lost at that notorious coven of far-left Marxists, the Supreme Court of the United States. Build a bridge and get the fuck over it already. Or, you know, win back the White House and both houses of Congress and go buck…

Waiting for Obama to walk to the Hill.

Oh, Barbie.. I still remember undressing a dozen of you, drawing bruises on your skin with markers, creating hammocks out of handkerchiefs, and putting you into a pretend POW camp. You never got out...