I am constantly looking for occasions to say, in Iona's accent, "applause, applause, applause." Because sometimes I just want to BE Iona, with her record shop and cool apartment and killer pink prom dress.

"Ol' Dollar Sign."

Oh Fox News, always keeping it classy.

Yes! I would like the Texas pan to go with my Texas cookie cutter.

Good lord.

Amen. And that they'd be jerks to charge Jesus for a ticket.

Seriously. Easier to leave room for Jesus when you didn't come with a date. OR maybe she should have said Jesus was going to be her date, and it'd be awfully ridiculous for them to charge JESUS for a ticket. I mean geez.

Also guaranteed to make you look pregnant when you aren't: dresses like that. Which is precisely why I don't own any.

Maybe her stylist hates her too?

Gah, longest run on sentence ever in that first bit. It was like reading Faulkner.

I know that it doesn't make me any better of a person to think that another person is a complete and utter waste of space, but that's how I feel about Chris Brown.

Woah, DJ Qualls? Haven't heard that name around in a while.

Amen. Sound advice, Mr. -T.

I give myself crap for that, too. I found some pictures from my high school graduation and prom, and man did I have myself convinced back then that my thighs were huge and I was chunky. Someone should have slapped me, because sometimes I look at those photos and think "what the hell happened to me? I was AWESOME."

They look okay, I've just never understood why they're so popular. BUT I'm also not into much of anything that's beige. They were everywhere for a while...had it not been for the nude shoe explosion of late 2011, I probably wouldn't care.

Natasha Bedingfield's dress looks like the bridal gown version of Julia Roberts' getup in "Pretty Woman."

I'm really glad you said this. I've been dealing with a lot of pit-of-my-stomach regret for majoring in less-than-practical things in college, and while I'm employed, my job leaves me feeling pretty down most of the time. I've been looking into going back for something I think I might really enjoy AND be able to do…

The overhydration thing is nothing to snark at, either. I moved to Texas last summer and was doing training workouts for a sport in the dead heat (it was over 100 degrees for quite a stretch) and decided I was going to drink a gallon of water before my next 7pm workout. I was going to sweat it out, no? Big mistake.…

Hot damn. I'm surprised the woman's teeth hadn't melted or something. No matter how much you brush, that amount of pop plus smoking would really do a number on your dental health.

Regular Coke is my solution when I constantly get gunk in my throat, like with a sinus infection. Fine, throat, you're going to be coated in crap? This should burn it right off.