WAHHHHHHHH MY BEDTIME STORY WAS NOT TO MY LIKING WAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

WAHHHHHH I COULD WRITE A BETTER ONE

I WON’T

BUT HEAR ME OUT: I COULD

Oh God, fuck this. I have my misgivings about it too, but I am so done with entitled dipshit fans like these.

“When he opens his mouth it’s a vacuous hole: There’s little room for a brain or anything else.”

Turning Point USA: “We’re not overly obvious racists, we’re subtle racists- there’s a difference!”

What would be the worst possible flavour for a toothpaste, while remaining within the confines of food of course? Oyster? Kidney? Bombay Mix?

Man, these grey comments about workers not being able to handle the content of a game they signed on to make, way to miss the point. Exposure to material like this effects the human psyche negatively, blanket statement, end of story. Even if the extent of that damage is desensitization and is largely not at a…

Have you ever thought about starting an “ask a green person” column? I certainly have some questions that I can’t find clear answers to. 

She is the King Ranch Ford pickup of food cooking: jaw-dropping luxury wrapped in a fake-ass “rugged” exterior

Pull out the credit card!

I wish I had a little ice machine in my house that made pebble ice. I would then be among the happiest of women.

I don’t condone violence but her fake smile makes me want to punch her in the face. 

I’ll never forget the episode where she was excited because since they were going into the “big city” she would get a chance to eat Chinese food....and went to Panda express. This segued into her making orange chicken at home. I laughed so damn hard.

Out of all of the fake “down home” Food Network personalities, who work as hard as possible to conceal their staggering personal wealth with countrified bullshit, Ree Drummond is BY FAR my most hated. She can get right the fuck on with this nonsense “Pioneer Woman” condiment horsefuckery

If, in evolutionary terms, Trigger Happy TV is the ape and modern YT prank videos the human, then Candid Camera has got to be that weird-looking single-celled fossil that even the most ardent anti-creationist is hard-put to explain the process behind evolving into both, but the root DNA is unmistakable.

A second, slightly smaller burger.

They served these off a food truck at the Ford Motor Company when I worked there back during college in the 60's. Green peppers and onions. One guy used Kaiser rolls and another guy used hero loaves.

I remember those days, when my wife would get clogged milk ducks.  I’d make some hot compresses, and I’d have to chase the little bastards around the living room, finally pinning them down and trying to hold the warm wash cloths and hot water bottles onto the squirmy, squishy little guys. Then after a few minutes, my…

I’ve been sprayed, tased, and gassed, all for training purposes. Despite the controlled nature of the training, they are still some of the most troubling and painful processes I’ve had to endure.

Hm

Alec Baldwin is an exceptionally good interviewer.