I think that's the problem of written communication not always perfectly conveying tone, because I was really just trying to acknowledge that you are on to something about my contributions in that regard being less useful due to blind spots I haven't successfully erradicated yet. Doesn't mean I don't feel any…

Yep, I'm white; guess I'm really too susceptible in that regard.

Oh, I think it's comparable, to a degree. You shouldn't enable another's delusions merely to maintain a convenient arrangement - be that friendship or booty call.

I think that's the problem of rampant gamification - we try to use ever-optimized systems of incentives to motivate us to do what needs to be done. That's the additictive part of video-games, I suppose. The relationship between effort and reward is so much more linear than anything we could hope for in real life. And…

friendzone is pretty loaded, yes. There seems to be this connotation that the fact that the girl wants to be friends makes the sexual rejection worse, that the guy in the friendship is exploited, because he pays attention to her and she offers nothing of value in return (because she doesn't put out, and nothing else…

Okay, I kinda get it now. Young still-leftist Hitchens.... I was always so baffled by the hero-worship, but he really used to be quite something, didn't he? That take-down is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. Thanks for bringing this to my attention.

Not all of them are overt or subconscious sexism on part of a particular person, but a sexist system has a way of perpetuating itself.

My sympathies. Class, race in a prep school context - I don't even want to imagine the suckitude. I'm not going to tell you to be above it all, because that's unrealistic at this point in your life. You might have to find a way to impress some of them to succeed, doesn't mean you have to impress all of them. And they…

That sentiment exists for guys too but it's a lot less heavily propagated. There are role-models for dork/conventionally attractive girl pairings in popular entertainment after all, and they might elicit some comments, but they are not generally considered to utterly destroy suspension of disbelief. The reverse is a…

Maye you're just too obsessed with the thrill of the chase? Could it be that your life lacks authentic challenges?

Well, yes, affection does not always correlate with desire. I don't think that's a controversal statement. I just think it's a bit pathetic when rejected guys in their spite even go so far as to deny the desire part.

So basically not like that all?

If it really were a Groucho-Marx problem, you wouldn't want to be seen dating any woman, because you would assume that any woman willing to date you would have to be damaged in a way.

But at that point, she _had_ already decided that she didn't want to see more of him anyway, so that information was completely useless to her.

Maybe it's luck? I've certainly heard my share of rude comments from random strangers on the street, but it's still a lot less than what other women usually report, simply because I've always lived in places where there is comparatively little street harrassment. And I don't have any complaints about most men I…

That halo-effect also works for beautiful men, probably just as well. Studies show that tall men get paid more and I wouldn't be surprised if symmetrical features helped as well.

[this was supposed to be in reply to someone downthread; sorry for the misplaced posting]

And luck. I should think it depends quite a bit on luck.

Key phrase being "in your head". Kinda makes all the difference. (And don't you dare praise the guy for his honesty - he was only honest, when he saw his furs swim away. That's the kind of honesty nobody needs).

Well, young boys are cute and middle-aged lesbians can be pretty hot, so I guess I don't get how that's supposed to be a mark against him.