btw, my favorite fan fiction is Tina's Erotic Friend Fiction, on Bob's Burgers. It's all about the butts. (Without the knots and poo babies.)

I believe we're framing this all wrong. To appeal to Republicans, we should stop calling them "child refugees" and start referring to them as "post-term fetuses fleeing countries with insufficient abortion clinic laws and regulations."

If I found myself working for one of those companies, I'd leave boxes of Plan B and spermicide and shit all around the workplace, like candy.

That's the thing: it ISN'T deliberate malice. It's something much, much worse: de-sensitized apathy and a ground-in tendency to turn off your basic empathy for your fellow man.

This is the Comcast cancel call equivalent in nightclub booking.

That's actually exactly how it's supposed to work. Exposed to the same classes and roughly the same opportunities, you weren't in the top ten percent at your high school (no shade, I was top 12% at my 5A Texas high school, I went out of state and am doing just fine in life for not being top 10). That rural…

This bears repeating.

You know that it isn't a one-or-the-other thing, right? Some women will do things to attract men, sometimes other women will do the exact same thing without that intention. Hell, the same person can do one thing one day when they're on the pull and then do the same thing the next day simply for themselves. There is no…

#notallsadpandas

How do these conservatives spend so much time thinking about buttsex and STILL not understand it?

Your dad is like the male Anne of Green Gables.

Reminds me a little of my dad's approach to gifts. The man is a big, bearded blue collar worker with a heavy accent who loves Diet Coke, his garage, and above all, being whimsical. I wrote a poem in my tweens about how he'd "give me the world if I asked", so for Christmas he got me a globe. One Christmas during…

"The snide comments and casual racism here is just ridiculous."

it's where she kept her cheese.

No, I win. Nope. Nope nope. I win. Okay. Here goes. It's long but (I think) it's worth it.

They completely snubbed Hannibal! How incredibly rude! And we know how Dr. Lecter feels about the rude...

"A MONGOOSE FOR EVERY BATHROOM"

Butts are strong people that don't need no man!

How I miss David Rakoff. God, so much testosterone!