Why else would Solange try to beat Jay-Z's ass and why else would Beyonce stand there and not interfere?

Wait, like, real money?

I really see literacy as an essential right of every human being - like clean air and water, a roof over our heads, the right to worship in any form or fashion we choose. I am a person for whom the ability to read was once punishable by whipping or death in this country. We take literacy very seriously in my family.…

What I don't see on the list: donuts, ramen, hot dogs, mac and cheese. Cool, I'm good then. Carry on.

The Jenners' book is so good, it needs two subtitles.

Jezebel Troll Basic

#takebackyourcuntry

When did you have yours? As far as I'm aware, the "string" hasn't been made out of plant fibers for years. It's now some kind of polycarbonate material that won't degrade or breed bacteria.

You may find a doctor who has a different opinion: if a woman wishes to get pregnant, she can get the IUD removed and then attempt to conceive.

(the cardigans at Ann Taylor are actually really great)

It's Robin and Batman, not Robin and that man.

The best part of this is the memento mori on the plate.

While I guess his work has stood the test of time, I think you're somewhat harsh in condemning a guy, just because he dislikes Shakespeare.

I've posted this one a few times before, but it's a classic.

About six years ago I met up with this weird vegan dude at a sleazy dive bar just across the river from my apartment. He looked nothing like his profile picture and had a collection of some of the worst goddamn tattoos I have ever scene.

What do you think the word 'semantics' means?

Met a good looking guy on POF (plenty of fish). We'd gone out a few times but we'd never hung out at either person's house. He was a personal trainer and one evening after I picked him up from work (his car was in the shop) we stopped by my place to change (personal trainer = free workouts) and hit a movie. We'd…

"Oh shit, when you said 'bridesmaid ass' I thought you meant.... Sorry dudes, my bad."

A muffin is just a sad, naked cupcake with nothing to live for.

Pinkham, you ignorant slut. Cupcakes are marvellous because they have the perfect ratio of cake to frosting, ie, just as much frosting as cake IF NOT MORE.