I miss Bob Greene. Remember when he talked to black guy?

whats the difference between an Expat and an Immigrant? an Expat is white.

I didn’t expect him to be THRILLED but his reaction was way over the top, right?!

When I was 12 my Aunt Carol married this guy Dave. Dave was about the funniest person I’ve ever met. His was a dry sarcastic humor.

All of their tee shirts have this kind of bullshit on them. CAN I JUST HAVE A PLAIN BLACK TEE SHIRT?

And I have to explain to my therapist why I can’t get a full night’s sleep, “See, if I wake up to pee around 3 am, that’s when I have to feed him, or he won’t let me go back to sleep. And then if I’m still sleeping around 6:30, he paws at my face to let me know I need to wake up to play with him. And if that still…

Every time we’ve had a new young cat, we’ve had an infestation of bed mice: cat chasing toes under bedcovers in the middle of the night. Wake up giggling. Weird. But ok. Very ok.

Looks like it could be one of those hollow polystyrene prop TVs they use in furniture stores. Doesn’t seem to have the heft of a real one. Also, I don’t see a power cord.

YOU ARE MY LONG LOST TWIN! At least when it comes to falling and getting hit in the face and other klutz related issues.

One paw on your sternum with his entire weight balanced on it? Oh yeah. The “I see you were nearly asleep, slave. WAKE UP AND PET ME, now, let me under the covers so I can knead your bare stomach with my claws while drooling and shedding. Oh, drifting off again? TIME TO FLAIL OUTTA HERE LIKE THE ALIEN IS AFTER ME. Now…

She’s such an asshole cat, she probably only likes the soundtrack to “Koyaanisqatsi.”

He is merely giving you agility training. Way to be grateful.

Try having a kitten while trying to sleep wearing pearl earrings. Sigh.

No, he chases my feet while I’m holding hot liquids because he’s a dick and steals my food when he manages to trip me and food falls off my plate because he is a dick but I love the little son of a bitch.

A girl did this in my high school. She made me feel bad because i sad something like “what, do you have cancer or something?” sarcastically when she was acting all glum. I told her then she was an asshole for trying to make me feel guilty for something i could not have possibly known about and everyone thought I was a…

OH MAN LENNNNNNNY.

Sometimes I remember how hate this show, then I remember how beautiful Raul Esparza and Peter Scanavino are. Then I bust out my wine and order pizza and tune in every week.

What a sweet, tolerant doggy.

Shit would be totally different had he lived.

I'm a white woman, and I don't trust the police. I was driving my cousin back to campus last summer. He is a US citizen, but is of Polish and Moroccan descent, and looks more Moroccan than he does Polish. The policeman pulled us over, didn't ask for my license or the license of my wife, but asked for my cousin's…