and the exhaust is going bappetybappety-bappetybappety and all those little internal bits are going whumpawhumpawhumpa-whump

1. Lebron goes to Cleveland

Oh, Cleveland. The battered wife of sports cities.....there is help for you! You don't have to take this! You're better than that and you deserve better! We will support you!

Come on, man. He's not going to Cleveland. His wife owns that juice bar in Miami. You think she's just gonna sell that thing and open another one up in Cleveland? You know how annoying it is to get a zoning permit and pass inspection from the health department? She's not gonna go through all that all over again.

Theory: LeBron James and Johnny Manziel are boys, and Manziel got him a tryout with the Browns in hopes of bolstering a receiving corps depleted by the loss of Josh Gordon.

Correct headline: "PSA: A Warning to All Roadside Trees and Telephone Poles"

No, I think he's referring to Steve Hawaii, known racist.

"it is very, very quick"..."Zero to 60 mph comes in the low-to-mid four second range."

He needs a taller shifter.

The name leads people astray into thinking a football team exists.

"Hey, guys, does anyone have some Fred Durst handy? Without it, this video might break YouTube with its awesomeness. I need to take it from an 11 to about a 6."

Or, zero grey area. The cyclist could have been doing any number of things, looking down, looking off the bridge, etc. That doesn't excuse a car from driving on a pedestrian bride (which is essentially, a sidewalk.)

Well crud, this field does me absolutely no good.

C'mon Raph, this has nothing to do with being a cyclist and everything to do with being a hit-and-run dillweed. Shitheads are shitheads, no matter if they're driving a sports car, a rental, a bicycle, a unicycle, or a pair of worn-out sneakers.

This story is actually kind of a bummer. Turns out, the dude is terminally ill and doesn't think he'll live to see the Lions win the Super Bowl, so he wanted to get this tatted on him to keep up hope. Unfortunately, he's got "perfectly healthy 28 year-old man with a normal life expectancy" disease, so he's probably…

It's amazing every time I see something like this. I mean, don't people have shame anymore? Who the fuck leaves the house, decked out in their Lions jersey, and thinks, "I'll accessorize with this clashing-blue bandana?"

Well, this just made some legless African's day.

Evan Mathis' real bar tab: