When I clicked recommend on this comment, it had 38 stars. How did it not have 38,000?

Who are the strange men in this situation? The one who runs Cannes or the ones demanding she be flogged?

Cheers to that, and really excellent points. But I do find that expensive beers can be merged into the father experience. In fact, it's better because you can't drink as many of them, so it saves you money. Also, I take my son (almost three) to local breweries (which are very kid-friendly), and get him juice.…

Totally, synced sleep is a must. Our closest friends have twins, and their little girl sleeps like an angel, and (unless something has changed), the boy is impossible when it comes to bedtime. And once they turn the light out and leave the room, he starts making stuff up like "OW I HURT MY KNEE" or "I POOPED" when he…

Yeah, that's what I was gonna say. That whole thing about cycledexothings.

If pitching is like a marriage, I guess my brother-in-law threw a change-up when he left his first wife and married a much-younger coworker.

Nonchalantly? It's not exactly like the guy caught him back-handed while sipping a coffee. Dude seemed to be very focused, very worried.

Yeah. Well, with our almost-three-year-old (who is also fucking awesome), my wife and I now have an ongoing disagreement. You see, he doesn't really take naps anymore. I am totally fine with that because it means he passes the fuck out at 7:30 and sleeps til 7, give or take an hour. Now, we still put him down for his…

The schools colors were maroon and white. So they titled the piece "Maroon and White by Day, Blue and Yellow by Night, and also on Weekends."

This reminds me of the uproar and controversy that happened when my high school yearbook dedicated no less than 10 pages to my tireless efforts as a Blockbuster Video clerk.

Guhhhh! Our son (now almost three) was pretty healthy. Got a five-week old little girl now. So far, so good. But I know that between us being more relaxed and her always-filthy little brother constantly pushing his grub hands into her face, there's a decent chance she's going to get sick more often, and it truly…

You not clicking on the article is much easier than us not cumming inside/putting on a condom.

Absolutely. When it comes to chores, errands, household projects, it's like it's 1942 and the Japanese just bombed Pearl Harbor, and I'm some teen who's always wanted to go see the world. "SIGN ME UP! I'LL GO TO TARGET AND PICK UP WHATEVER SHIT YOU PUT ON THE LIST! EVEN IF WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY, FUCK IT, I'LL…

Sometimes a child will fall asleep in the wrong place at the wrong time—like right at the end of a flight or a car ride—and that's really annoying.

I recently moved from NYC to Colorado. Never once did I ask for a sample in NYC. Out here in Colorado, though, I'm constantly going to taprooms of breweries. There are so many breweries. So many. And of these millions of breweries, about half or more don't actually bottle their beer. So the taprooms are your only…

Does M*A*S*H count? If so, then M*A*S*H. But the caveat there is that, of course, you have to go by the film version of the song.

Count me as another on Team Heavenly Creatures.

"Happy to be from Tehran."

WHEW! With the weather warming up, I was having to make lemon margaritas (or half lemon/half lime if it's a weekend and we want to splurge). You just compensate with some extra Cointreau (or similar), and it's pretty good. Not nearly as good as a lime margarita, but vastly superior to the mix.

A "tote malfunction" is short for "total malfunction." In such situations, the person or organization who made the malfunction thinks it "tote sucks," while the counterparty general finds it "tote awesome." A tote malfunction is somewhat rare compared to the more common "par-fuck," which is short for "partial fuck…