Baby girl born just last week. If this shit happened, I am afraid I might instantly transform into Dirty Harry or something.

"Remove all black people from your Instagram" is one of the strangest requests ever. How can a person hear himself utter it and not immediately fling himself out of the nearest window?

"That tape has been doctored. Probably by a black. You know how THOSE people are. Can't trust 'em, shouldn't be photographed with 'em."

Should That Dude Who Threw The Naked Playboy Model Off A Roof And On To A Concrete Pool Deck Feel Kind Of Bad That He Broke Her Foot?

"Please," I asked Roger, "just look at the tape." I suspected he would see what I had seen. He did. He gazed into my eyes. "Rewind the tape," he said, "and play it again. This time in slow motion." Roger's voice quivered. As we watched the audition tape, Roger's hand found its way into my pants, and through my briefs.…

Should've thrown that dude off with a few Omahas, and then taken the kid long.

In the words of Ron Burgundy, agree to disagree.

So you think they don't know how to drive a stick?

False; the couple that shit-talks the neighbors together stays together.

We're not talking about "race cars." No one is criticizing the guy across the street who's going through a midlife crisis and buys a fucking Formula 1 car. Though, I will admit there are some exceptions to the stick thing. One of them is the American muscle cars of the late 60s/early 70s. Some of those were designed…

Thank you! I surely will teach them the fundamentals: changing tires, driving stick (their mom can ALSO drive stick; in fact, she grew up driving a pick-up with a stick—-NOT BAD, EH?), oh and getting into the fucking intersection when awaiting an opening to make a left. (Is this not taught anymore? I find myself, at…

Yep. Daughter was born last week, so we're now a four-person family. In prep, I upgraded to an Outback (more room, more power than the Impreza, fantastic handling in winter). It's got the paddle shifters, which were marginally amusing for about one-third of a mile. I've pretty much forgotten they are there.

Recommended your post mainly for your spot-on comment about sticks vs automatics. People, if you can't drive stick, you don't need a high-performance sports car. If you are that into the idea of getting one, well then surely you can take the time to learn stick.

My first car was a 1984 Honda Accord (this was in '96). Nice to see it getting some love. Though, with all the repairs I had to make on the thing, it doesn't really deserve any.

I riffed on the same thing (but before I saw your comment).

The Smiths, obviously, were not pleased...

This dude gets invited to parties?

My guess is that he sung it a cappella (and with only a scant notion of how the original song goes), and then haphazardly added the beat on top of it.

Totally unrelated, but I just got a scam telephone call purporting to be from the IRS. The best part, though, is that they ask you to call THEM back. And they really do pick up. So I encourage everyone to have some fun. After all, they're looking for people to call 'em: 202 470 5464

Hey, Tim! I'm a huge Pagans fan. This is really cool to see here on Deadspin. Back in the 90s I picked up an amazing Pagans record; really just a collection of their singles/EPs. It's called Street Where Nobody Lives. I think it was released on a German label. Anyways, one of the best LPs in my collection. "Eyes of…