This banning food imports is incredibly stupid. Finland exported 378 million euros worth of milk, cheeses, yogurt, etc to Russia, yearly. Now people are coming across the boarder just to buy decent milk.

I’m on your side. Beets are gross.

My wife says they taste like dirt. I can't honestly argue with her assessment, but that doesn't prevent me from eating them.

IDK, probably not recently but she wasn’t always wealthy (in fact she was very poor growing up) so I’m sure she has.

My first thought was to move to a warm climate. Then help my parents.

And call it macaroni.

...I have so many questions about that but feel any answers would only raise further ones.

The most classy, luxurious ableism.

“no one gives a s**t until someone gives a s**t”

Ah fuck. Eyes got all fucking salty now. Gonna need you to write my eulogy Turnip.

You speak extraordinarily eloquently for a lot of us, Turnip. :)

Thank you.

I will miss you sorely, MoGlo, commenter turned weekend contributor turned managing editor...you have done excellent work here. I loved knowing there was a Midwesterner from my neck of the woods on staff here. Congratulations on your new gig!

Let’s be real though: if I traveled back in time to college and was dancing with a guy at a frat party, and he busted out a full-on jitterbug interspersed with high kicks, I would probably bang him like a screen door in a hurricane because that is commitment.

What the DMS-IV for “Fucking Crazy”?

Kids, always be extra certain of your tattoo choices. Sure "take on me" was a great song and I thought A-ha were the next Beatles. The forearm tattoo is forever.

ha! “Girls Next Door” would be the best retail shop that caters to lesbians

As much as I’m tired to death of hearing about Will & Jada’s marriage/arrangement, this is some truth tho:

Memory foam pillow. 3 season down comforter. Twinings Honey Vanilla Chamomile tea. The Body Shop Deep Sleep cream/pillow spray. Wire scalp tingler. 50% bamboo sheets. Buckwheat hull/flax filled eye mask.

Oh, honey, please what is this amateur nonsense. I am the Queen of Sleep. I am a sleep pro. You get an A for effort, but your execution is all wrong.