WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU PEOPLE AND WHY THE FUCK DO YOU HATE JOY AND HAPPINESS AND GUACAMOLE SO GD MUCH

..... dude I think that guy has a UTI or something because pee should not be that color

Some other ideas on the way from NYT;

Peas are the grossest thing in the universe, and this is a universe where Donald Trump exists.

BANNED.

Can I be the best man?

Clarence Thomas talking about dignity is pretty rich all things considered.

No, this means we are all being forced to gay marry!!!

via Google news, I landed on an opinion piece on USA today (I clicked the wrong link, I was crying so happily) that was like, “no, don’t worry, straight-marriage will win out, it’s not going away.” like now straight marriage is banned or something.

You...

Anyone got $50 they can lend me so that I can contribute to the IndieGoGo as a supporter and get the “Satanic Children’s Book of Activities”? I have to watch my friend’s kids next week and this seems like a way to keep them out of my hair for a few hours.

The hottest nightclub in town is... HELL. It has everything: Saddam Hussein, KY super soakers, third leg warmers....

Getting Belichick to smile = the glass slipper fitting on the foot

I’d be on it. I’m married and probably not his type, but I’m a Pats fan and therefore can hold my liquor like a sonofabitch. Soooo where are auditions?

I want to assure everyone that this summer’s upcoming reality show I Wanna Honk Gronk is very real and legit. The boss is very excited for the chance to find a wonderful lady to spend his life with, or as much of his life that Belichick approves off. Frankly, forget meeting the parents, the ladies had better be ready…

One hundred thousand.

Way to kill my lady boner for Swingers era you, Vince.