"You know what? They should cast Eminem, because he's just street enough you know? Not too street, just the right amount of street, just a dash of street. Not bl-I mean blatantly street!"

Yes! I've been waiting years for the existential Bowie Squarepants experience.

I am convinced this is all leading up to an epic Putin showdown. Only can Obama defeat the Red Bear.

Drama and suspense continue in this summers' new smash hit novel The Girl with the Anaconda Tattoo and Teardrops on her Guitar.

Why can Miley pull off all this shit, but when I get drunk, give my dog CPR, and roll around in Hobby Lobby's art supplies, I'm an "embarrassment to the community" and a "failed artist"?

"You don't get it guys, this album is all about our crumbling infrastructure! I and I alone will fortify the foundations of American commerce! Put Yeezy on your ballot, it's eazy." -Kanye West

If all dogs go to heaven, do they all have to solve their own murders? Are all dead dogs murder victims, struck down by an unseen, malevolent dog executioner sent by the Devil to taunt God?

I dated Hulu once. Broke it off, always felt like she was trying to sell me something. I mean here we are, sharing a nice chianti, and she starts going over a Toyota starter package. Insane.

RIP you legend. It'll only be right if you rise again to scare us one more time.

Vangelis: Iconic Composer, Not to be Confused with Topical Cream

I agree. We have lost so much. When will Michael Jordan return from war?

Please note: minor staining due to spillage of Marmalade Space Jam. Own a piece of jam history today!

I hope our streaming quality is okay! I can't see anything!

I bet I can name at least two things beefier than 4K.

Meth so clear you can taste it!